Beautiful Pain

Terrible Teens

HoSeok had become a new human being. New hormones and unexplainable emotions coursed through his whole body. He was a bit taller and a bit more hairy. He was 14 and beyond reach of anyone. NamJoon stared across the room at a party as his best friend made out with a girl. Now, making out wasn't an issue. If anything NamJoon highly recommended it and even liked to do it himself. That was not the issue. The issue was that he knew his best friend very well, and knew that he did not like girls. He was gay. He knew it, YoonGi knew it. HoSeok however? He didn't. Not yet at least. Or perhaps he really did, and was denying it as hard as he could. Savoring a part that would make him fit in with the crowd. That made NamJoon feel a little down, even with the alcohol flowing around his teenaged head.

NamJoon has taken on role of protector since the truth about Mister Ashben had come out. He had promised HoSeok he would stay quiet— not that they could do anything against a dead man. He fixed his glasses, hoping that Hobi didn't get too mixed up in hurt feelings and parties.

NamJoon glanced to the side, spotting a dark haired and short YoonGi Min. A third to their trio. The weak link, and bad influence. The main reason they had even started coming to parties in the first place. YoonGi was also staring at HoSeok.

YoonGi and HoSeok had become close after realizing that they had both been tutored by Mister Ashben. They could confide and talk to each other in ways no one else could. YoonGi was well aware of what HoSeok was doing. He was also self destructive. More violent and aggressive, but the same motif.

As a group of fourteen and fifteen year olds, it was split relatively 50/50 as to who at this party was a virgin. Anna: not virgin. Jacob: not a virgin. HoSeok: undetermined, but probably still a Virgin. Austin: Virgin. YoonGi: not a Virgin. NamJoon: hadn't even seen a real girl naked yet. So on and so forth.

NamJoon sighed softly, and downed his third drink of the night.

HoSeok was lost inside his own mind. He was transforming into a new being. Absent minded and willing. Right now, his willingness to please meant kissing girls in corners and occasionally giving a bit more than he received. He didn't care, however. The voice in his head chanted to give them what they wanted and think later. His mind sang songs of obedience. So at 11:42, when the girl he had been kissing leaned back to announce a game called Seven Minutes In Heaven, HoSeok found himself on the front lines. He found himself in a closet with another girl. A girl he was pretty sure went to a different school.

"Have you ever played before?" The girl with pretty blonde hair and bright blue eyes asked softly as the two stood in the dark closet. One full lightbulb was flicked on above them.

"No. Have you?" HoSeok leaned back against the wall. She nodded her head. That was all that was needed to know about each other, and before the end of his first high school party, HoSeok had officially moved to the definitive "not virgin" category— if oral sex counted.

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HoSeok was in track and field. He liked long distance running. He liked the ache in his legs and the burning in his lungs. He liked that other people liked it. He liked that his big sister came to every meet, and that his parents hung his medals in a cabinet in the living room. He liked that his grandma would praise him every summer over his looks and achievements.

Things were changing however. There were girls here, scattered in groups across the field and sharing the same interest— HoSeok. Word had spread quick about a cute boy who had given some rather than received during a particular  session of 7 minutes in Heaven.

The real issue was, that Hobi wasn't even sure he liked girls at all. Certainly not enough to do that again. He did however, often find himself thinking about kissing maybe NamJoon... or maybe YoonGi. He shook his head, and continued to stretch. Somehow, liking boys after what Mister Ashben had done felt incredibly wrong. It felt dirty, and made HoSeok want to bash his own head in. It felt as thought his attraction to boys validated what Mister Ashben had done.

Yet still, things for HoSeok were good. He was good. He had researched molestation and sexual abuse. He had talks with NamJoon who acted as his therapist. Hobi even talked in depth with YoonGi. He felt fine. Good. He felt.., well, maybe he didn't feel good. He had become a bit obsessed. Obsessed with sex and love, pain and pleasure. He wanted to kiss everyone, he wanted to sleep with everyone. He had violent images inside his head. He had a need to destroy himself from within. He pretended that he was any other horned up high school boy. It wasn't hormones, however, that made him this way. It was just the way he was.

He was losing his ability to focus. His ears hearing his name echoed across the crowd. His name in both good and bad regards. The words of others began to surround him, to torment him. HoSeok has no idea that this was only the beginning of a very long, very hard battle.