Beautiful Pain

Nonstop

//Byssan Lull :: Swedish Lullaby:/

It was December 4th, 2012 and TaeHyung and JiMin were in the kitchen at TaeHyung's apartment. TaeHyung held an official letter from Harvard in his hands. He was visibly shaking as he stared at it. The boy was unable to open it, too scared to know what the answer was. If he wasn't accepted to Harvard, all his hopes and dreams would be crushed. If he was accepted, he would officially be a Harvard student. Either situation carried a hefty weight. JiMin sat patiently on the kitchen counter, waiting for his boyfriend to open it. They stayed like that for a few minutes, waiting.

"Well, open it." JiMin pushed, finally losing his patience and wanting to know what the letter said.

"What if I didn't get in?" TaeHyung asked, continuing to stare at the mail. JiMin laughed. The thought was absurd— of course he would be accepted. TaeHyung was absolutely brilliant.

"Well, you'll never know either way if you don't open the damned thing." JiMin was highly excited. TaeHyung handed the letter to him, staring at him with wide and terrified eyes.

"You read it." He begged, unable to do the task himself. JiMin didn't hesitate to open the letter, reading over it briefly before reading aloud.

"Dear Mister Kim," he started, "I am delighted to inform you that the Committee of Admissions has admitted you to the class of 2017 under the Biomedical Engineering degree starting in the summer semester of 2013." JiMin smiled widely, and TaeHyung jumped. The rest of the letter went unread as the boys screamed in excitement.

"You're in!" JiMin shouted, hopping off the counter and joining TaeHyung in the celebratory jumping. TaeHyung grabbed JiMin, pulling him close and kissing him deeply. They separated for only a moment. TaeHyung's eyes sparkled in excitement, making him even more beautiful. It made JiMin's heart stutter.

"I'm in!" He laughed, kissing JiMin again. The two boys continued to scream, dancing around the apartment in pure joy. It was pure and whole, the kind a person only gets to experience a few times in life. TaeHyung had beaten the odds. He started off living in a new home every couple of months, then homeless shelters to an emancipated minor, and now a Harvard student. This Dot Rat was making it out alive. The feeling that had rooted inside his chest felt as though it would explode him. The joy was short lived however, when TaeHyung realized how badly he wanted to tell his parents. He longed to share this moment with his mother and father; to see their happy faces knowing their son was a success. He stopped jumping, the feeling of his acceptance shattering to the ground around his feet. The realization cut him like glass, and stung to the depths of his soul. Who would he tell besides JiMin? Who would support him other than JiMin? The resounding answer was no one. Absolutely no one. The Park Family were wonderful people, and he knew that JiMin's mother would hug him and tell him how proud she was. But he was also aware that replacing his own family with JiMin's wouldn't make the longing go away.

JiMin hadn't noticed that the older boy had stopped, and continued to celebrate. Tears pricked at TaeHyung's eyes, and he suddenly felt ashamed. Ashamed that he continued to let two people who could care less about him ruin this happy moment. He covered his face, not wanting JiMin to know he was crying. It felt weak to cry over this. His mother had died years ago and hadn't been the greatest role model, and his father was a piece of shit who only cared for himself. He had been dead for nearly a year now as well. So why did it hurt so bad? Why was it that the only people he wanted to be here right now was them? The truth was that no matter how hard he pretended to hate them, they were still his mom and dad. It wasn't meant to be like this for them, and deep down TaeHyung still mourned the loss of a family that might have been.

JiMin turned around. He stopped dancing to take in the scene before him. TaeHyung's shoulders shook as he cried, collapsing into a small ball on the kitchen floor. His fingers tore at his hair, pulling it in a desperate attempt to distract his mind from the thoughts in his head. JiMin felt his heart ache with his boyfriend. He squatted down beside the older, carefully reaching out to rub his back. TaeHyung wasn't one to cry. He liked to act tough and play out emotions in anger, rather than the sadness he truly felt. JiMin knew that something had to truly hurt the older boy to make him cry.