Lekha (Completed)

Lekha 79

D-day. I wanted to die.

Extreme emotions tortured my very soul as 'I don't want to go through with it' kept repeating in my mind. I was scared. It was not exactly the humiliation that I might have to go through that scared me but the heartbreak that would follow seeing them together. I wanted to get hold of Rudra and ask him to let me go.

I had got up in the wee hours of the morning before anyone stirred as I had hardly got any sleep. I had pretended to be in deep slumber when Vaishali came in to avoid the conversation of any kind.

Unable to control my emotions any longer, I crept across the corridor towards Rudra's room to repeat my request. The door was slightly ajar and I could see a small lamp lit in the corner and one person sleeping on his king-size bed.

As I crept towards Rudra I thought about slowly shaking him awake but then feared that he might make a noise waking the household. I thought about the best angle to place my hand on his mouth so that I could hold him tight as Rudra was stronger than me. I might end up being thrown on the floor or in the worse scenario he might hurt me with a weapon thinking I was an intruder. Both would defeat the purpose as the sound emitted would again wake the people sleeping nearby.

I took a peep at his peacefully sleeping face trying to figure out the best method of approaching him and also because I wanted to have with me the image of this 'peaceful Rudra' stored as the last memento in my memory before things got out of hand.

The little light from the lamp highlighted the contours of his face, giving me a big shock as it wasn't Rudra. I took a reflexive step back and hit a chair which squeaked in protest giving me the second scare. I quickly clamped my hand on my mouth before I involuntarily made some noise.

If it had been Rudra he would have woken up alert but instead, it was Anil who slept there lost to the world.
It was at that moment of enlightenment, I remembered that Anil had been made to sleep in Rudra's room. If I had remembered it before I would not have come inside the room seeing only one person lying there or would not have come at all.

I didn't want to confront Rudra in front of Anil as that could have taken an ugly turn and ending with the whole house witnessing the drama which I was trying to avoid. I quickly got out of the room soundlessly and then hurried back to mine.

I took a deep breath which I seemed to have been holding while crossing the room. I wondered where Rudra was.

Negative thoughts started popping in my mind again. Rudra must have gone to apprise Roopmati about the truth and the sequence of events as it was the game-over day. He had full right to do so but why was I feeling betrayed. Had he already told her and was it that fact that lead to her confidence during mehendi? Was she mocking me?

My thoughts were upsetting me but I had no way of knowing what was happening behind the scene. I wondered how to contact Rudra without creating suspicion.

I sat on the chair as I muddled through all the scenarios that might take place to build up the courage to face them. I didn't want any surprises where I suddenly end up having an emotional breakdown in front of everyone, ending with self -humiliation. I wanted to make a brave exit as if nothing could affect me.

"Why are you sleeping on the chair," asked Vaishali shaking me awake.

The sleep seemed to have won the war against my anxious feelings.

"I must have sleepwalked" I gave a vague excuse.

" You look like hell... Why?" asked Vaishali anxiously.

"Nothing ... I am just feeling under the weather"

"You actually are looking pathetic ... O come on Lekha how could you?... It's your wedding day for God 's sake" she whined.