Return to Sanditon - A Novella

~ Twenty ~

The Golden Pineapple – Gaming Hell and Bawdy House, Covent Garden

That evening, Crowe and Sidney made their way through the less salubrious streets around Convent Garden. Their carriage stopped in front of a nondescript building where unadorned stonework framed a black door with gold lettering above. The Golden Pineapple was a gaming hell and brothel on the edge of the respectable district and was owned by the disreputable but wealthy Mr Beecroft. It housed all manner of sin and vice and induced desperate gentlemen to lose their blunt, their honour and their minds in equal measures. From opium eaters to high stakes gaming or perversions of the flesh, Beecroft supplied it all. It was here in this disreputable establishment that Sir Edward Denham had reportedly been seen.

Sidney knocked loudly upon the doorway and he and Crowe, both known for past misadventures, were admitted into the garish entrance hall. Madam Lucille, the establishment's hostess, greeted them cordially before asking of their pleasure.

"Madam Lucille, regrettably my friend and I are not here to indulge this evening. We have pressing business with one of your patrons and believe him to be here," Sidney smiled benignly. One was want to tread lightly in these establishments, or one finds themselves removed from the premises and soundly thrashed.

"Mr Parker, the purpose of The Golden Pineapple is not to conduct business affairs. Unless your business involves pleasure and coin," All signs of politeness evaporated at their enquiry, "Lest you wish to sample the delights of the Golden Pineapple, I will have no choice but to ask you to leave," Madam Lucille bristled.

"At least, can you tell us if he is here?" Mr Crowe discreetly slipped her some coin, "The man we seek is Sir Edward Denham."

Madam Lucille regarded them both shrewdly, before motioning to the salon to their left.

"I cannot guarantee that he will still be playing, but his losses are significant enough that he continues to try to win them back at the tables.," She turned to leave but stopped, "I shall give you gentlemen a half hour before I must ask you to vacate the premises."

They nodded their acquiescence before making their way through the door.

A few minutes of observation allowed them to locate their quarry at the faro table. Sir Edward looked unkempt and far from the dashing nobleman they had been acquainted with in Sanditon. Sidney motioned for Crowe to follow him as they made their way through the throng of gaudily clad ladybirds and their inebriated clientele. The room was a vast collection of green baize covered tables set against a deep crimson and gold décor. Each of the tables was adorned with a subtle pineapple motif inlaid with gold leaf. As they skirted the tables, Sidney noted that the air of general dissipation clinging to the establishment was countered by the sombre presence of the hell's attendants who stood ready to settle disputes and remove the charlatans and sharps.

A ruckus broke out at the faro table as they approached, and they witnessed a disagreement over the outcome of the last hand. Sidney was none-too surprised to realise Sir Edward was foxed and claiming his opponents had cheated. At risk of being removed from the game, they had found him just in time, he thought. Before long, Edward would have drunk himself to an early grave if pistols at dawn did not see him off first.

"Sir Edward Denham?" Sidney insinuated himself into the throng, "Just the man we have been searching for. Won't you come and share a drink with us? Your luck appears to have abandoned you for this evening. Better to come back fighting another time, don't you think?"

"Parker? Hounds teeth. What're you doing here?" Sir Edward slurred, "Crowe too? What the devil?"

"Crowe, we need to get him out of here and sobered up," Sidney could not hide the disdain he felt for the rogue, "He's no use to us in this state."

Between them, they encouraged and cajoled Edward from the establishment and into their carriage. The journey of all of twenty minutes saw Edward passed out and sprawled across the bench. They arrived at Crowe's bachelor residence and proceeded to haul the drunken, unconscious Edward up the stairs to his set of rooms. A pitcher of cold water and a pot of strong coffee later, Edward had recovered some of his senses.

"What in blazes am I doing here?" Asked a sullen Edward, "I should ask you to reimburse me for ruining my evening attire. Was that dunking really necessary? Explain yourselves."

Sidney approached him, "We have heard from certain sources that you have sunk into dun territory. We have a proposition for you which may remedy that situation and restore your fortune. For this, we require your absolute attention."

Edward regarded the pair suspiciously. "What have you in mind?"

Sidney explained succinctly, the outline to his current situation with Eliza. How Tom had failed to insure the development and the devil's bargain he, himself, had made to save his family and their reputation. He spoke of his attachment to Charlotte and explained that he and his friends were searching for alternative investors to free him from his dependence on Eliza.

"So, where do I come in?" Edward asked bemused, "You can hardly expect me to invest. I've been disinherited, in case you've forgotten, not to mention up to my eyeballs in debts."

Crowe stepped forward and offered Edward a cheroot. Lighting it for him, he drawled, "You are a rake, are you not?" Gesturing to Edwards appearance, he grimaced and added dryly, "With an urgent need of a fine tailor."

Sidney rolled his eyes at Crowe then regarded Edward once more, "You are in want of a fortune, and Mrs Campion has one. We are suggesting that you could put your dubious talents to good use and entice her into matrimony."

Edward roared with laughter, "You're barking mad! What on earth could I possibly use to tempt a rich widow into marriage?"

Sidney rolled his eyes and allowed Edward a few moments to compose himself, then he said simply, "Your title."

Edward sighed, "What good is my title. My estate lies in ruins, I have been cut off by my Aunt, and I don't have the blunt to eat, let alone pay off my debts. How the devil is that going to mark me as a catch?"

"Eliza Campion is obviously wealthy enough to be selective, but we suspect the one thing that an ambitious social climber may require, if not money, is entrée to the crème of society. A title can give her that," Sidney explained, "At the moment she is regarded as nouveau rich and tainted by trade. Access to the upper echelons has been denied her, and she has remained on its periphery."

"So," Edward began, "You propose that I offer her a marriage of convenience - her money for my title?" Edward smiled slyly, "A marriage made in heaven!"

"Ha, it won't be that easy, you fool!" exclaimed Crowe, "The woman has her claws so far in our friend here that they will need to be removed one point at a time. Seduction is the only way. You must charm her man, and you can't do that looking like a tramp."

"In exchange for your assistance, we shall pay off your vowels and arrange for your living expenses to be paid for the duration of our alliance. The wedding must be called off – and by Eliza – within the next two weeks," Sidney explained. His tone was serious, and he prayed with all his being that the reprobate in front of him was up to the task.