Sugarcane and Indigo

Putting the "Fun" in Funeral

I didn't go to the funeral.

I couldn't. I couldn't stand there with the crowd of mourners watching as they lowered Miss Clay into the ground. I couldn't give my condolences to Lottie Mills and tell her how truly sorry I was. Not when I was the reason Miss Clay was dead to begin with.

Instead, I sat in the parlor room watching as Grammie put on her dark burgundy lipstick in the hallway mirror. As the religious figurehead of the town it was her responsibility to oversee all funerals. She had to go - I knew that. But that didn't mean I had to go with her.

"Are you sure you won't come honey?" Grammie asked, glancing away from her reflection to look at me.

I smiled tightly at her and nodded. "I - I can't Grammie. I just can't."

Grammie sighed and slowly capped the lipstick before placing it in her blue clutch.

"Honey doll, people will talk if you're not there. And in these sort of situations it's best not to draw attention to one's self."

"I know, Grammie, I know. But I just can't be there with Miss Clay's family. I can't be there and see what I did to them."

"That's awful selfish of you, honey," Grammie reprimanded, flipping her hair over her shoulder before turning to look at me. "Well? How do I look?"

I looked her up and down, mostly out of politeness. Even if she didn't look good she wouldn't take my opinion seriously. She never did. But she did look good. She was dressed in a bright yellow dress with little blue flowers dotting the hem. Her hair was half up in a tight bun with the rest falling behind her shoulder. She looked beautiful, like she was going to a party. It was custom in Nowhere to wear bright happy colors to funerals. They were supposed to be a celebration of life after all.

"You look lovely," I told her, turning back away.

Grammie hesitated for a moment before taking a few steps closer to me.

"Honey," she began, "I know you feel guilty but honestly ... don't. The magic chose her for a reason. It was just her time to go. She gave her life so that boy of yours could live."

I didn't say anything. Miss Clay didn't give anything. I had stolen from her. I had taken the most sacred thing from her - her life. I didn't understand how Grammie could just say things like that. I didn't understand how she could act like nothing monumental had happened.

Maybe she was right. Maybe I should just move on with my life. But no matter how much I had tried in the past few weeks, I just couldn't. I couldn't bring myself to stop caring.

Maybe if I could bring myself to regret bringing Indigo back I could absolve myself of some of my guilt, but I couldn't. No matter how sick it made me, I was glad I had done the ritual. I was glad that Indigo got a chance to live.

I just wished that I was the one who had had to pay the price.

Grammie sighed when I didn't respond.

"I can see that I'm not getting through to you," she said turning away to begin walking towards the door. "I need to get going if I'm going to make it there on time." Her hand hovered above the doorknob for a second, "Remember to get ready for the ritual. We'll go do it as soon as I get back."

I nodded but didn't say anything and I heard her leave behind me, the door clicking back into place.

Today was the summer solstice. Today was the day I would be giving up my powers.

I rose to go look out the kitchen window out at my garden. It was in full bloom and bees and butterflies frolicked from one flower to the next. It really was a lovely day, though it didn't help to improve my mood.