Andy's Plan

Chapter 25

Grief was like death in itself – killing me gradually but surely – making me lives with the madness of life and then plunging me helplessly in the endless murky pit of torment. If and ever, I knew for sure that I wouldn’t be able to recover my whole self again.

How much more does a woman like me, have to endure to finally accept the fact that people in this life just come and go? I was tired of being constantly in the loop.

.

“Ms. Andy, where’s heaven?”

“What?”

Throughout my whole twenty-eight years of existence, I never once directly asked about ‘heaven’ and to think that someone as younger as six years old was soliciting my opinion about the very vague, subjective, such debatable, opinion-generating, insightful topic was very odd to say the least. I was not sure where to find it also.

But how could such a precious kid was thinking the same thing that’s been swirling in my mind the past days?

“Grandma Sandra told me that my parents are in heaven and Ms. Sunny told me so. She said that I should be a good boy always because my parents are watching me from heaven. I don’t even know where it is or how to go there, I keep asking her to tell me where it is but she would not give me directions. She keeps telling me to be a good boy. I’m a good boy now you know. I don’t touch her snow collections anymore and I don’t put my feet up the front of Adam when I’m riding in the front.”

I did a double take at Rafael, my mouth agape staring at the boy who did not just tell me what happened to his parents, but also talked like there’s no tomorrow, barely breathing between his long statements that felt like whining. Well, he was in actuality whining, his lips pouting as his face tainted with redness from the frosty weather, puffs of cold breaths coming from his mouth. I was confused as hell as to what he was talking on and on about. My somewhat frozen brain couldn’t keep up with his ramblings.

Rafael was more like sulking when I found him earlier by the steps of Sunny’s front porch, covered and wrapped warmly with baby blue scarf and blue coat over his white sweater, khaki pants with the bottom part nicely tucked inside his adorable brown boots. He was sitting all by himself outside the snowy weather instead of being warm and comfy inside his grandparent’s house. I decided then and there to join his brooding as I had nothing better to do, Nathan was somewhere else, and besides, I couldn’t just leave him alone.

“So, that’s why you’re here at Ms. Sunny’s front porch?” I enquired cautiously. This kid kept on astonishing me every day that I wouldn’t be surprised if ever we’re not talking on the same page.

“No, I’m here because I miss Ms. Sunny and because she gave me this,” unravelling the snow globe with Santa baring gifts in the sleigh pulled by a reindeer inside. He shook the thing and the fluid and glittery snow scrambled and floated within.

“...and because I promised I’ll take care of her house, and because I miss her right now,” his little voice broke at the end, vulnerability shown on his face with brows furrowing.

My still fragile heart went to the little boy and oddly enough, I felt something akin to jealousy for Sunny. Did she realize how fortunate she was with this kid missing her like crazy?

“Where is she right now?” I didn’t know she was gone; I haven’t still apologized for running out from her frantically the last time we talked.

“She said she’ll visit her mommy and daddy for Christmas. Now, I don’t have someone to make a snowman with. I wanted to go with her but grandma and grandpa will be left behind and I’ll miss them also. She said she’ll be back after Christmas so she gave me my present already...”