Andy's Plan

Chapter 7

Freedom--- a single word holding various meanings which has a broad range of applications. Several things or objects represent the word and is one of the most used and abused words in the books of history.

The Statue of Liberty needs no further introduction of what it represents for its name says it all...a universal symbol of freedom and democracy. It’s one of the tourist attractions in Manhattan and a definitely must-see when you visit New York but when you see it all the time, you tend to forget the real reason why it was built on the first place and you just remember it when you hear someone give a detailed history of the monument. Like what was happening right now.

I was riding a ferry boat to Staten to visit my parents for the weekend. I preferred riding the ferry over driving my car through that long Verrazano-Narrows Bridge to get to Staten for it was less effort for me and I loved ferries and the views were always awe-striking and eye-feasting. My parents were itching for me to see them last weekend but I was somewhat pre-occupied at that time. Yeah, I stayed at home last weekend but I was able to visit such place, such mind-blowing feeling that I didn’t experience before. Aside from my parents’ insistence, I also wanted some breather since I was so busy with work last week with the oncoming release of our magazine’s new issue this coming week. My friends were also hounding me for their fills of juicy details from my one-time pleasure escapade.

I leaned my back comfortably on my seat as I ignored the chatter and lectures of the teacher to her students about the statue that we could see from afar; yeah, educational tours that I myself enjoyed when I was a kid. I inhaled the familiar smell of the sea which reminded me of my joyful childhood, which reminded me of the innocent and happy Andy whom always smiling while playing with the sands making sandcastles and frolicking with the waves. I saw a seagull flying up ahead and remembered the terrified little girl when she attempted to feed the flock of seagulls. I could still hear her loud, ear-shattering shrieks for help when those seagulls surrounded her when she held prawn crackers in the air for them, she didn’t expect the amount of seagulls flying towards her and was horrified when a flock came for her. Now, when I see a seagull spreading its wings, flapping them in the air and flying freely above the sea, I could somehow see myself in it. Well, I did spread my legs last weekend and flew to the zenith of pleasure but seriously, I felt free that time and I could care less. It felt like I was flying and free to go to wherever destination I wanted and achieve every childhood dreams of mine.

Why am I feeling emotional and reminiscing right now? Maybe this is the after effects of losing my innocence.

I closed my eyes and harked back to the sweet, cheerful and innocent Andy until she was ruined with insecurities and bitterness because of a certain condition. I revisited the Andy who for ten years was struggling with herself and living the best she knows how while coping with her thing of the past that she could not somehow let go but was told that she was merely existing. I recalled the Andy who recently took chances and risks doing spur-of-the-moment things she never dared imagine. I remembered the Andy who stopped analyzing things and became a wanton woman in bed.

Yup, I’m finally a woman with experience. Before I finally embrace my plan of having my own baby, I wanted to look back first to my childhood. There’s no turning back now that I made my first step but first I needed closure to my single life. It’s not like I am getting married, it’s just that once I become a mother, another life depends on me. It’s scary and is scarier for me because I am going to go through it alone.

What will happen to the Andrea Macie Quinn now and onwards is beyond me and is full of uncertainties but one thing is for sure...I want it worth reminiscing.

Welcome back to Staten Island!

I cheered myself after twenty-five minutes of sitting in convey being swayed by the waves, propelled by the machines until I saw the piece of white clothing designed with green mountain and blue waves encircled by orange-coloured lines with the name of the island imprinted proudly in the middle swaying freely at the top of a pole. I took an express train from the St. George Ferry Terminal going to Rosebank where my parents’ sanctuary was located. I vowed to enjoy my weekend with my family and bond with them so I could forget for a while my desperations and relax myself.