*#1 in true story, 8/14/19*
I guess you could say I'm going through some shit.
What you're about to read are a series of journal entries following my survival of rape. Each update emerges from the deepest, most sorrowful recesses of my mind, so I ca...
It is currently 4:28am on Thursday, November 14th. I recently got a job working full time at a fruit packing company on night shift. My regular hours are from 4:00pm-2:30am four days a week.
I've pretty much quit going to school. I've trashed the five year plan mapped out in my last update. My new life plan now looks something more along the lines of this: Work my butt off for the next few years, earn $65,000, buy a glampervan, then set off to travel through every state and most of Canada writing to my heart's content by the year 2023.
I'll be done with school when this quarter is over. I'm so burnt out. I'll only have about half of my AA completed, but I don't care. Because I was homeschooled the first to years of high school, my mom has the authority to give me my high school diploma so she's gonna do that. But because I haven't gone to class pretty much most of this quarter, I'll probably fail my classes, and she may reconsider letter me graduate.
Honestly, I don't care. I hate the fact that a stupid piece of paper is supposed to tell the world how smart I am. If I never get a high school diploma, people will automatically think I'm either lazy or dumb. But I know myself. I know I've put in the work and I know I'm smart. Smarter, in fact, than pretty much any other 18-year-old I've yet to meet. I don't need a certificate to tell me that, and the fact that other people do is a bummer. Oh well. It's not like my life goal career as a writer is in need of a diploma.
Oh! Here's some exciting news. For my birthday I got a bunny. His name is Tim. I call him BumBum.
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I also got two tattoos.
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The Hebrew word on this one is "Hineni" which means "Here I Am."
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This one I got matching with my bio mom and adoptive mom. My bio mom designed it. It represents a couple of things. First, it's a reconstruction of the adoption symbol. Second, it represents the trinity with the whole triangle aspect situation. What's really cool about it is the never ending line. You'll see that, quite literally, the line has no ending or stopping point.
Anyway, I guess that's all I have. I'm pretty tired, but I think I've been too busy to be unhappy. Jesus has been pretty good to me lately. I feel His presence very close whenever I tap into it.
Also, just a random side note, I'm pretty sure I experienced love at first sight on my first day of work. He's legit the most attractive guy I've ever seen in my entire life. I kid you not. Whenever I see his face, or even just his profile from my peripheral vision, my breath catches in my throat, my eyes go wide, and my heart jumps in my chest. It's the weirdest experience. But I have not desire or intention of pursuing him. I'm quite content appreciating him from a distance at this point.
