Infliction

20. The Garden

Riley was sitting in the kitchen the following day as Noah plated up some chicken and salad, making sure he put twice as much food as normal on her plate. They hadn't talked about the previous night at all yet but Riley knew it was coming.

"Hey, I thought we could fix up the garden today. I bought some seeds and I think it'll be nice to get a little veggie patch going. What do you say Riley?" asked Jason, who was washing the dishes.

"Sure," replied Riley, pushing around the salad on her plate. Being outside sounded like a better idea that being cooped up in the house all day.

Once they had finished lunch, Jason and Riley headed out into the garden leaving Noah sitting on the couch inside reading his book. They got to work in the garden, setting aside a small area near the side of the house, pulling out weeds and removing the small rocks.

Sitting down on the grass they took a short break, sweat starting to drip down her back. This was probably the only time Riley had been grateful that she was in shorts and a tank top as the delightful sun hit her skin. It had been a long time since her skin saw any sunlight and it was such a pale white that she hopped maybe she could get a tan one day.

Her moment of sunshine and peace was soon disrupted by Jason, who started on a conversation she did not want to have. "So, do you want to help me understand what happened last night?"

Riley let out a deep breath, irritated for him asking the question but nonetheless she decided to answer. "It was just a panic attack. I have them sometimes."

"Are they normally that bad?" asked Jason. "I've never seen you have one before."

"Not normally. I can usually...you know," she made a slicing motion with her hand, "...before it gets that's bad but it's happened a few times."

Jason lay down on the grass, placing his arms above his head and Riley proceeded to do the same. They watched the clouds in the sky as the wind rustled through the leaves of the giant tree nearby.

Jason turned on his side and propped himself up on his elbow. "You know there are better ways to cope that hurting yourself."

Riley shrugged. "It's all I know that works. I don't really fancy passing out all the time," she said irritated. She was starting to get frustrated at where the conversation was heading and she could tell that Jason sensed it as well.

"Look, we can work on it together. Just next time, if we could get a bit of heads when it starts to come on, that would be great. I think Noah and I almost shat ourselves back there."

Riley and Jason let off a laugh, easing some of the tension between them and they got back to work on the garden bed, planting the seeds carefully in a row. When they were all done they stood back and admired their handy work.

"I'll go get the hose from the shed. Can you take those weeds and put them in the bin for me," asked Jason.

"Sure thing," said Riley, bending down and grabbing the majority of the weeds in her hand.

Riley walked over the bin, leaving Jason to walk in the other direction towards. Reaching the bin, she pulled off the lid and was just about to place the weeds in when she noticed something glimmer. It was a piece of the glass that she broke last night when she was found in the kitchen.

Reaching down without hesitation, she immediately picked it and then deposited the weeds. She stood there for a moment, running her finger along the sharp edge until she was pulled out of her thoughts with footsteps coming from behind her.

Panicking, she pushed the piece of glass into her bra, feeling the shard dig slightly into her skin and started to close the lid on the bin.

"Hold up there," said Jason as he walked over. Riley froze, fearing she had been caught in the act until Jason came to her side and placed the remaining weeds in the bin on top of hers.

"We just need to water the plants and we're all good," he said looking down at her with a smile

Returning the smile she placed the lid on the bin, thanking her lucky stars that she wasn't caught.

***

That night she lay awake in Noah's bed, thinking about what she had taken that day, as Noah breathed deeply in his sleep. It was just after 2 am and she was lying awake, thinking about the nightmare that just woke her.

Taking the shard of glass didn't require any thought at the time. It was sharp and she wanted desperately to cut herself even if her brother's didn't like it. She managed to move around the shard of glass enough so that it didn't cut into her anymore and she actually felt a sort of comfort in knowing it was there.

Turning over to face away from Noah, she pulled out the shard from her bra, careful to make her movements slow enough to not shake the bed. It was a small piece of glass but it was sharp enough to do the job.

It was risky, that she was aware of, with Noah right next to her but she had no other choice. If she went to the bathroom he would notice for sure. This was really the only alone time she would get to herself, even if she wasn't truly alone.

Moving her hands down with the shard of glass between her fingers, she placed one hand on her thigh and pushed up her shorts as far as they would go.

Luckily her shorts and the bed-sheets were black which would help hide any of the blood that was about to be spilled but she made a note that next time she would have to grab something to help stop the bleeding from staining her clothes or the bed.

Bringing up her other hand slowly, she rested the glass on her thigh and pierced into her skin, slicing a long cut as she felt the all too familiar relief wash over her. The feel was almost euphoric as she felt the blood trickle slightly down her leg. After a moment of bliss she did her best to wipe the glass on her black shorts and tuck the piece back into her bra.

She felt a sense of calmness wash over and before long, she fell into a peaceful sleep.

The next morning she woke quite late as she noticed Noah was already up, fully clothed and reading his book beside her.

"What time is it?" She said groggily.

"It's 11 am already. I'm surprised you slept so long."

"Mmmm," she replied as she stretched out on the bed. She hadn't slept that well in a while but she felt so relaxed after cutting herself that she fell straight asleep.

Oh shit, she thought as she remembered the new cut on her thigh. She immediately glanced down, praying to god that her legs were still covered and nothing had ridden up. To her relief the bed-sheet was still wrapped safely around her body. Everything seemed fine and Noah seemed calm enough that she was positive that he hadn't noticed anything last night.

"It's almost lunch time so why don't you go for a shower and then we'll grab something to eat," said Noah, hoping up off the bed.

Riley slowly dragged herself out of bed, grabbing some clean clothes and made her way to the shower. Noah of course stood out the front of the door.

"Remember, no locking the door and you have five minutes."

She nodded before entering. Quickly she went about her business, showering and washing the dried up blood from her leg. Once she was finished she hopped out and got changed into clean clothes. 

Luckily the new cut was quite far up her thigh and her shorts hid it well. She grabbed her shard of glass, placing it back in her bra and grabbed some extra toilet paper, shoving it in to assist with any cleanup she might need to do.

A knock on the door startled her. "Times almost up," called Noah.

"I'll just be a sec," called back Riley, quickly gathering her old clothes and making her way to the door.

She opened it to find Noah waiting on the other side. "All good?" he said, eyeing Riley up and down. She merely nodded, thankful that Noah didn't suspect anything. 

They would kill her if they found out she had cut herself again.