Family Ties | JJK

56: Love Me Loudly

So Min Yoongi speaks, say what's been lost in his chest for years, so deep he almost forgot the words... but how could he when they are engraved on his chest.

"I was trying to be brave," he admits, speaking to Jimin's back, words tumbling messily into the empty space and burning up.

"But I couldn't, I couldn't be brave, I wasn't enough, I never would be... we were on stage, and you were lighting up the oceans with pure energy that had your dna engraved in its core, magical and untouchable... I saw their faces, and I saw yours, and I knew, in that moment, that if I can't even love you openly, then how can I deserve you?"

His question sinks into his skin and leaves a bitter taste in his mouth, rotting away, reminding him of how much he had to lose, and what he could never call his in the first place.

"You deserve so much more..." Yoongi says, eyes finally caught in Jimin's own strong ones as he turns slowly to see his broken form, years of unshed emotion stormy beneath the surface of his honey brown gaze.

"You deserve it." He says louder, knowing in his heart that it's the truth, if anybody in the world deserved to be loved so completely, so openly, it was Jimin.

"You should be loved unapologetically, Jimin-ah. Completely. And proudly." Yoongi says in a rush, chest rising rapidly, words cascading out now that the wall he had so carefully kept in place for so many years had broken.

"You love the world loudly. Park Jimin," he laughs, glancing around his studio wildly, emotion pouring unrestrained now, in front of him Jimin's eyes swim and his jaw is tense, fighting not to sob out loud at the words he had waiting so long to hear.

"You love loudly, and you deserve to be loved loudly," Yoongi states, "without fear, without worry, with a love so loud it can be silent and you can still feel it."

Min Yoongi loved Jimin. He loved him in the morning, when his face was puffy and hair messy. He loved him in the evenings when his cheeks are flushed and his makeup worn. He loves him through stress, and sadness and failings.

He also loves him through happiness, success and joy.

He takes a stumbling step forward, and then hesitates.

"But... I couldn't give you that." He chokes out, and Jimin lets out a startled puff of air, lungs rising and jumping in fear of Yoongi's words.

"I pushed you away for so long," he admits out loud, conflicted, body yearning to hold the other in his arms and never let go. But mind still holding back, scared of what he wants and what he thinks he deserves.

"I hurt you," he says face screwed up, Namjoon words echoing softly like a lullaby on replay, getting fainter and fainter.

But then Jimin speaks, and the music stops, only silence remains, and in the silence Yoongi can feel his pain, feel it so acutely it burns his core to know he did that.

"Yes hyung, you've hurt me..." he stars quietly, voice wobbling over the words as he fights to keep it together.

"I loved you so much, so hard, so fully, I let it consume me and eat me up, and you weren't there to stop me, to let me give you my love," Yoongi drops his gaze, stomach heavy and eyes stinging.

"I –"

"No, Hyung," Jimin cuts across. "I have to say this now, I can't hold it in any longer, I have to say it... and then let it go," he adds quietly.

"You hurt me before, but you know what hurts more... that even now, you can't be brave, you can't love me even though you say you do... you say you do Hyung... but..." he breaks of hiccupping.

"How can I believe you..." he questions brokenly.

"Jimin no," Yoongi breathes out, chest tight and fists white. "No, no no." He spills out.

Across from him Jimin hugs himself tight, holding his pieces together, letting his tears fall freely now, streaming down his blotchy cheeks and wetting his soft sweater.

"I can't..." he chokes out "I can't keep doing this Hyung."

"Please," Yoongi lets slip, not sure what he is even asking for.

Please don't give up on me.

Please don't give up on us.

Please don't leave.

Please learn my love language.

Yoongi begs, but how could he asks for the world, when the world can't wait for him any longer.

"Bye Hyung," Jimin whispers through heavy, tear-drowned lashes and salt crusted lips.

And Yoongi watches his world slip away.

**