College is a time to grow while being wild and free. Still living reckless comes with consequences. It's all a part of life's cruel game. The question still remains: who will win and who will lose. Both Pharaoh and Essence have the highest to lose.
It's been two weeks... two weeks of me locking myself in my house. I submitted forged medical paperwork saying I was sick and couldn't come into the classroom to all my professors just so I could complete the semester online. All of my professors knew me well so they didn't question it at all.
My girls have come by to check on me and even some of my line sisters who were there that night called. I still talked to no one about what happen. Heiress still comes by almost daily but doesn't know. A big piece of me was just embarrassing that someone could do it to me. The rest of me is just angry... mainly because I still love his fucked up ass.
I was super thankful that Mazi had been keeping the twins more since he moved here. He wanted me to "live a college life" and not raise them alone. It's a big help since I don't have to fake my happiness around them, but when I did see them I put on a whole production. The last thing I wanted was for any of my family, especially Mazikin to find out about our break up.
Today, I decided to go with Kira to the mall. She wasn't taking no for an answer so I just sat at home waiting on her. When she did arrive, I met her outside and we headed out. She waited until we were at the mall walking before talking.
"Ess be real with me" she looked through a rake "How have you been feeling?"
"Honestly? I feel numb"
"Why numb?"
"A piece of me just feels like it wasn't real. Like maybe I'll wake up from a bad dream you know?"
"I wish"
"And I hate that I can't stop loving him" I felt my voice shake "I hate him because no matter how hard I try... I can't hate him at all"
"Babe" she hugged me "I know"
"Then every time I look up, there are flowers at the door and message after message... can't even read them"
"Maybe you should" she shrugged "I know when Keith and I broke up before New Years that last conversation help me get closure and you know how much I hate that shit" we laughed "But realistically it helped me close the door and focus on me"
"I can't do it Kira" I sighed "I tried to... he called yesterday when I was watching Pastor Mike... I answered but the minute I heard his voice I felt sick. I hung up and threw up my breakfast"
"Damn"
I shook my head feeling my phone vibrated. When I pulled it out my pocket there was yet another message from Pharaoh.
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I sighed thinking about what Kira said. I didn't feel confident talking to him but I did want to close the door. I couldn't be with him knowing it was all a lie. I could be his friend or anything. I just wanted us to end it all. I sighed before texting him to meet me at the park across my condo before turning my phone off.
