Played Out

8. Can't Help It

Essence

I couldn't figure out how I found myself here. I'm sitting in the library, supposed to be finishing my paper, and my mind is distracted by thoughts of Pharaoh. It was Wednesday and I hadn't talk to him since Monday.

We basically spent the weekend together since every day we hung out, then we kicked it Monday. Now it seemed like we were back to our own worlds. The problem though is I can't stop thinking about him.

I played off his questions about me being sad. with missing my mom and not being away from my sisters like that when I miss my mom. And all he did everything to cheer me up. I had honestly forgot my problems and being sad just being around him. I was actually missing him.

"Fuck!" I whispered putting my head down

"What's wrong chica?"

I looked up and Gianni was sitting down with two bags of Chik-Fil-A. I smiled grabbing my bag and hugging her.

"Thanks babe!"

"I know you been in here all day" she chuckled "but don't think you can ignore me. What's wrong with you?"

"I can't focus at all" I sighed

"What's on your mind? You're never distracted like this with work"

"I don't want to tell you" I looked up avoiding her stare

"Hell nawl bitch! We don't got secrets! Speak up now or I'm gone show ass"

I burst out laughing trying to calm down. I laughed harder when I saw how serious she was. Gianni was right though. Outside my past family business, we told each other everything. I didn't feel right now telling her but I didn't want her to blow it out of proportion. I sighed as I calmed down and thought about what I wanted to say.

"I don't want to admit this" I shook my head "I know you won't but Gianni you gotta promise not to tell anyone. No linesisters, no Jordan—"

"I get it!"

I sighed closing my eyes before speaking quickly "IthinkIhaveacrushonPharaoh"

"What?" She laughed

"FUCK!" I yelled the covered my mouth

People stared at us as we both looked shocked. We waited until they looked away before laughing.

"Come on just tell me"

"Fine" I spoke covering my face leaving out my mouth "I said... I think I have feelings for Pharaoh. Like a crush"

I looked at her and she looked like the damn mannequin challenge. Her eyes were bucked and her mouth was wide open with her hand slightly covering it. I put my head back down on the desk preparing for her to snap back into reality, which literally took three minutes.

"Oh Ess come on sit up"

"No" I shook my head "I hate life"

"So what you have a crush. It's no big deal"

"It is GeeGee" I finally sat up "I can't like him"

"Why?"

"Because we are supposed to be friends. I've already curved him more times than I can count. Not to mention, he slick a hoe. I just can't!"

"Every guy has pros and cons"

"I don't want to"

"But why?"

"Because it won't work out!" I spoke louder

She looked as surprised as I was frustrated.

"I'm sorry best" I shook my head "But I just can't do this. Not... I just can't. I liked us becoming friends"