Played Out

26. Commitment

Essence

I walked toward my car quickly as Pharaoh called my name. Just as I reached it he reached out an grabbed my arm. I sighed before turning to face him. He looked a mixed of irritated and stressed out. I sighed before giving him a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"Sorry I'm just really trying to get home"

"Why you been dodging me ma? It's been two days and you barely responding to my text"

"I just need some time to myself to think Rao. I promise"

"Is it Heiress and what happen? Essence I'm sorry for snapping on you---"

"It's not that. I just.... seeing your sister like that fucked me up and--- I just need some time to sort out my thoughts. I love you and I'm not mad. I just need to figure some things out"

"Why can't you just tell me?" he sighed in frustration "We can just talk about---"

"Pharaoh it's not that simple"

"Clearly it isn't if it's a secret from me" he let the sarcasm seep "What happen to telling each other everything and no secrets"

"Don't do that! This has nothing to do with us!" I got louder getting irritated "You're being real selfish right now"

"Selfish?! Because I'm worried about your ass I'm selfish?!"

"Rao---"

"Nahh" he backed away from me "Bet! I'm selfish right? I won't worry about your ass no more!"

"Pharaoh---"

"Hit me when I'm not being too selfish for you" he turned to walk away

"Pharaoh! Pharaoh stop! Pharaoh"

He ignored me as he continued to walk back on campus. He had two more classes and I refused to chase after him. I shook my head before getting in my car and going home to meet with Heiress. She had been feeling depressed and scared so she came over as soon as I was out of class to talk things out until she felt better. I wasn't pushing her to the side for her brother. He'd just have to get out his feelings.

I shook my head remembering my last conversation with Pharaoh. He successfully ignored me for a week. By Sunday, I had sent him an apology and tried to call but he ignored me. Heiress saw him at their house a couple times and said he seemed upset still. I tried to give him space but I missed him. I talked to my dad about it and he helped me see the importance of Pharaoh knowing everything about my past situation.

To be honest, I knew he wasn't mad about what happen. I was the scapegoat for his anger about not being able to protect his sister. I had been to enough groups and therapy sessions to see the signs of a family member coping. Heiress shut down and would only talk to me, which I know hurt him because of house close he was to his siblings. She trusted me though and I couldn't apologize for that.

I had to journal and pray about it but it all came down to me needing to tell him all my skeletons. Since I spent the night with Kira, she agreed to dropped me off at his place. I waved bye before knocking on the door. A half sleep divine open the door before walking away, back to his room. I shook my head before walking into Pharaohs room.

"Rao I'm getting dressed just hold on"

I froze hearing a female voice from his bathroom.

"Mmhmm" I hummed loudly

"That chik-fil-a line must've been hella long" she laughed "Told you I was fine with Mickey Ds!"

"Hmmm" I responded