due date // s.m

i don't think i love you anymore

"Can we please..." Shawn paused, I could tell he was trying to find a way to convince me. 

"She said no, man." David interjected, stepping towards Shawn. Kinda hot.

"Lets just be adults here. Can we think about Kora, please?" 

"Hilarious coming from you." 

"What's that supposed to mean?" He had an attitude.

"You know exactly what it means." I snapped. 

"I saw the text. Lets not pretend this is about Kora when its clearly about you trying to get her back." David said. 

"Do you know how hard this is gonna be for Kora to be flying from country to country not seeing her other parent for months at a time?" He asked. 

"Is this the first time you're having this thought since I left you last year? Are you just now coming to this life altering revelation, Shawn?" I yelled as I began pacing the kitchen back and forth. 

"I know this isn't my fight-"

"Then why do you keep talking?" Shawn said, looking at David.

"Don't talk to him like that." I said to Shawn.

"But you initially left Kora and Samara for Camila."

"That's not what happened." Shawn interrupted him.

"I'm not finished. You were more concerned about your career and what your manager wanted than what was best for you and your family. You put your career first. Not your family." David walked over to me putting his hands on my shoulders trying to stop me from having a breakdown. 

I loved that he could tell when I started pacing like this, that I was seconds away from a panic attack. This had happened two times before. Both times he was there to calm me down. 

"Let's just sit down and talk, okay?" He said again.

"There's literally nothing to be said." I raised my voice, even though there was no reason to. It was just overall aggravating that he was acting like he had done nothing wrong after an entire year. 

We bickered back and forth for the next ten minutes until I agreed to sit down and talk to him. As long as it meant he'd get out of my hair and back to our daughter. 

I left David to tend to the cookies, so dear god I hoped this conversation would be quick because the last thing I need is David burning the house down.

"How can I help you today, Shawn?" I crossed one leg over the other, folding my hands in my lap as I looked at him.

"Do you really think you should be with David?" He asked.

"Absolutely. Rather than putting his career first, he'd always put Kora and I first, no matter the circumstance." I replied.

"It was never like that, Samara." 

"You still don't get it." I felt like I wanted to rip my own hair out. "Andrew Gertler works for you! He's your manager, but he's not your boss! You are your own boss, why can't you grasp that? For fucksake, Shawn." 

"I love you, Falyn. Please." He said.

I continued on my rant, quoting exactly what he told me,"'Oh, don't worry, after this tour I'll find a new manager and we'll have another baby. I'm done with Andrew.'" 

"He's trying to take my place." 

"Is that really your concern right now? David is not replacing you. You will always be Kora's dad, Shawn." I sighed, leaning forward in my chair. 

"Look, I know I messed up. I messed up big time. I've been making excuses for my actions, none of which make sense. I'm so sorry. I can't apologize enough times to compensate for the pain I've caused you. I fucked up our family." 

"I accept your apology." I said.

"We need to figure something out so it's not so hard on Kora growing up." He said, quietly.

"We're gonna have to be adults. And co-parent." I nodded. "I can't move back to Canada. David can't move. I'm kind of doing thinking of doing the music thing again and my life is in LA now." 

"I can move full time to LA. I already have the apartment there, I'll just... get a house. Week with you, then week with me. Or whatever works." 

"Okay." I answered. 

"If its possible," he paused, "I'd like us to try and be friends again... so we can raise Kora together. So Kora can at least see us being happy around each other. I know it'll take time, I know how angry you are with me. I wanna fix it." 

"It'll take time, but I'm willing. All I've wanted was an apology." I said.

There was a short silence, "One more question." 

"What?"

"Can you honestly say that you aren't in love with me anymore?" He asked. I paused and I had to think.

Shawn was the love of my life. But I really felt David was the love for my life. I whole heartedly saw myself marrying David. Having kids with him. Living our lives together. 

It took me forever to get over Shawn. I kind of had to admit to David that he was kind of a rebound for me. I mean truly, David and I established our intentions with each other at the beginning of the relationship. He just wanted to hook up and I just wanted a distraction from the wreck that was my life. The difference was that within a month, we actually started liking each other. 

At about 5 months, David said he loved me. I couldn't bring myself to say until almost 9 months. Because I was still holding on to whatever I had with Shawn. Mostly, because the thought of Kora having split up parents drove me crazy. 

I finally said it, though. Because I let go. 

I shook my head, looking at him. 

"I don't love you anymore." 

ooooooop

yall think samara's lil "love of your life vs love for you life" theory is right? or is she just playing herself bc she's scared to trust Shawn again

lemme know in the comments what yall wanna see in the upcoming chapter

comment and vote

all the love