A Saphael Alphabet

God

Simon fidgeted awkwardly. As he turned his gaze down toward his feet, he could still feel the other's eyes pinned to him. He looked back up as Raphael waited for him to say something.

"I've been meaning to ask you something," Simon said.

He wasn't exactly sure how to approach the subject, but he still knew that he needed to ask.

"What is it?" Raphael asked.

Simon exhaled.

"On the night that I️ turned..." he began, trailing off slightly. He hated even thinking about that night, and it was even more painful to actually talk about. He'd never felt so alone in his life. His world had ended. He'd also never been so angry at Clary. Not to mention that the guilt of calling Raphael a monster still haunted him.

He quickly snapped himself back to reality before continuing to speak.

"You said that I️ can regain the ability to say G-...errr - the G word - and I️ guess I️ just wanted to know how," Simon finally said.

Raphael sighed. He should've known that Simon was going to ask this eventually, but he still hadn't been entirely prepared for it. It wasn't that he didn't want to help Simon, it was just that the knew that the process took a lot of work and could be painful and didn't want Simon to go through that.

"I'm going to be honest with you, Simon. It can be a painful process and it takes work. Are you sure you want this?" Raphael asked.

Without hesitation, Simon nodded rapidly.

"I️ need this, Raph. I️ have to at least try to feel like myself again," Simon replied.

Raphael pressed his lips together and nodded pensively. He himself understood the need to hang on to faith, to have something that can transcend the boundaries of life and death.

"Very well, then. We'll start tomorrow."

—

Simon screamed once again in agony, but only held on tighter to the necklace with the star of David that was in his hand. He wasn't going to give up.

"Simon, that's enough for right now," Raphael said.

Simon simply ignored the clan leader, determined to finish what he had started. He clenched his jaw, biting back another scream.

Raphael stepped closer to Simon, locking his gaze into the other's eyes.

"Simon. Enough," he said quietly but sternly.

Simon placed the necklace down on a nearby table before giving a resigned sigh, looking disappointed.

Noticing the fledgling's expression, Raphael placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Rome wasn't built in a day," he said.

Simon nodded. He'd try again tomorrow.

—

Simon barely made it through the front door of the Hotel Dumort before collapsing to the ground, too weak to stand.

Raphael rushed to his side, taking note of how badly the other was burned. Wasting no time at all, Raphael scooped Simon up bridal style before laying him down gently on the golden sofa, all while Simon groaned in pain.

The clan leader grabbed a blood bag, emptying the contents into a glass before propping Simon up and bringing the glass to his lips. It was a bit messy, some of the blood staining Simon's neck and clothes but he luckily still got enough to trigger his healing process.

Raphael waited for the other to heal before asking any questions.

"What happened?" Raphael asked, concern in his voice.

Simon shook his head dismissively.

"Nothing. It was nothing," he said quickly.

Raphael raised an eyebrow and gave the other an expression that demonstrated that he was not fucking around.

Simon looked away, unable to look the clan leader in the eyes.

Raphael closed his eyes for a moment and sighed before opening them again.

"You tried to stand on holy ground, didn't you?" Raphael inferred.

Simon fell completely silent.

"Answer me," Raphael said, voice quiet but filled with angry shards of ice.

Sheepishly, Simon nodded.

"You could've died," Raphael said with the same quiet anger.

"I️ know," Simon replied.

"Why did you do it?" Raphael asked.

"You know why," Simon responded.

Raphael glared at Simon, eyes piercing into his soul.

"Don't do it again," he warned.

Simon nodded.

He just wanted to say it, but it didn't matter. He'd try again tomorrow.

—

Many tomorrows had passed. Simon once again found himself holding the star of David necklace, still burning his hand but not causing him the same excruciating pain as it did before.

"G-..." Simon started.

He took a deep breath.

"G-d," he tried again.

He looked up at Raphael with a pleading expression.

"You can do it," Raphael said.

"G-od. God. God!," Simon exclaimed.

He set the necklace down, a smile painted across his face. His eyes then began to water with tears of joy.

"I️...I️ said it! Raphael, I️ said it!" Simon exclaimed.

Raphael gave a slight smile.

"I'm proud of you," he said sincerely.

Simon nodded.

"Thank you. Thank you so much! Just, I don't even know how to thank you," Simon said.

Raphael smiled. He placed a hand on Simon's shoulder.

"No need to thank me; it was all you," Raphael said.

He wanted to say more to Simon, but he couldn't quite form the words. It was okay, though. He'd try again tomorrow.