Blood (Levi x Reader)

35. ** My Fate **

The number of times Levi and I challenged each other over the next month seemed to multiply daily. The closer we were to riding out to Wall Maria, the more Levi tried to change my mind. I pushed myself to my physical limit in each of our training sessions, making sure I never lagged behind my squadmates. In doing so, I was able to further provide proof to Levi that I was just as capable as everyone else when it came to fighting. I watched Hanji carefully whenever we worked with Thunder Spears, and I reluctantly got used to adjusting my harness a bit looser every time I put it on. Pregnancy was not going to be a hindrance to me, no matter what.

Although it felt like Levi drove me to the brink of insanity with his relentless skill-building and rigorous strength training, he flipped a switch when we were alone behind closed doors. Never once did I have to ask for a thing after my head hit the pillow. There was always a full glass of water on my nightstand, and each of my uniforms was cleaned and pressed, waiting to be worn when I woke up. There were even a few nights, when Levi knew I was struggling with bouts of nausea, that he just sat next to me, rubbing my back in a slow, gentle rhythm. Since insomnia got the best of him, forever stealing his sleep, he didn't mind carrying me back and forth to the bathroom whenever I woke. Every little thing he did was completed without mention as if it was just another one of his assignments or duties. In a way, quietly caring for me really was one of Levi's responsibilities, seeing as my "condition" was not of my own doing.

With about a week remaining before I would enter my second trimester, I began to leave the table rather unsatisfied. A soldier's rations apparently weren't enough for my body's ever-increasing demand for nutrition. Levi had noticed my stomach growling louder and more frequently. So, one evening, without calling any attention to his actions, he placed his barely eaten meal on top of my practically-licked-clean plate while everyone was prepping to leave.

"Take my plate in for me, (Y/N). I've got a meeting with Erwin and can't be late."

Although it looked like Levi had just given me an extra chore, he was actually being sweet in his own passive way. I clutched the bread roll in my palm and shoved it into my mouth quickly before anyone could notice. It was obvious to me that he had intentionally left most of his dinner untouched so I could have it. My aching stomach was forever grateful.

That night was the first time I followed my routine alone since revealing my pregnancy to Levi; I hated it. I was so extremely exhausted that I became overwhelmed by the simplest tasks. My increasing number of visits to the bathroom was getting a bit ridiculous, and I may or may not have almost dozed off while brushing my teeth. I was barely able to blow out the candle on my nightstand before collapsing into bed.

I had wanted to wait up for Levi, seeing as he most likely had a few important updates to share with me, but my eyes were drooping as I began to fade fast. Following a lengthy yawn and intense stretch, I ultimately surrendered to the comfort of our bed and pulled the duvet up over my shoulders. Just as I had finally settled myself into a cozy position, the subtle sound of boots shuffling outside my door roused me from my respite. Time wouldn't even allow for me to sit up before the door creaked open, revealing not only Levi but Commander Erwin as well. With a startled gasp, I shot straight up at attention, clutching the covers and holding them to my chest.

"C-Commander Erwin! Levi didn't inform me that-"

"Cut the courtesy crap, (Y/N). He's just here to speak with you."

My heart sank, and I lowered my head, a bit embarrassed but incredibly defeated. The silent stare from my superior said it all as he took a seat at the table nearby. With a long sigh, I did my best to ready my soul for what was to come.

"(Y/N), as you may very well know, you are regarded as one of the Survey Corps' top soldiers, and we are very fortunate to have you fighting with us. However-"

"Please, Commander Erwin," I interjected loudly. "Let me fight! I can handle myself, even if -"

"(Y/N)!" Levi snapped at me, indicating just how obviously distraught he was. I pursed my lips together and slightly bowed my head in disappointment. My patience was limited due to lack of sleep, but Erwin seemed to understand that I meant no disrespect by my pleading interruption.

"Forgive me, Commander. Please continue..."

A warm, sympathetic smile spread across Erwin's lips, allowing the tension in the room to ease, if only in the slightest.

"(Y/N), it has recently come to my attention that we are to welcome a new member of the Survey Corps here in the upcoming months. May I be the first to congratulate both you and Levi on such wonderful news. It warms my heart to know that love still exists in this cruel world."

"Thank you, Sir..." I replied lowly. We should have been cheering and celebrating such joyful news: the announcement of my pregnancy. However, that was not the case. I knew exactly how this interaction was going to go.

"Levi has informed me of your training, emphasizing how impressed he is by your continued stamina and strong abilities. It seems you're still able to keep up with your squad, despite everything else your body is going through. I came here to tell you face-to-face that I would be honored to have you with us when we retake Wall Maria... But unfortunately, that won't be happening."

Clenching my jaw, I resisted the urge to argue vehemently, acknowledging that it would get me nowhere. My pleading eyes rose to meet Levi's, as he stared at me from across the room. He knew how badly I wanted to fight, one last time before I was forced into taking my leave. Apparently, I wouldn't even get that chance.

"Commander... Allow me to at least ride out with you, with Levi, with my squad! Please, don't leave me behind..."

Erwin shook his head, then gently pressed his palm to my cheek.

"You have something far too precious in your possession to be gambling with your life anymore, (Y/N). Please, allow us this one small comfort, knowing that you are safe within the walls."

I internally cringed at Erwin's words, understanding his good intentions, but despising the irony of his statement. As he continued to speak, I silently listened.

"Tomorrow will be our final day in Trost before we depart under the darkness of the New Moon. When we return, I have agreed to allow Levi as much time with you as needed, so he can better care for you and prepare for the arrival of your child. We have also spoken with Queen Historia, who has offered to give you a place to stay while we are out. I doubt you want to stay in the barracks alone with Commander Pixis floating around. I do hope you find comfort in these things, (Y/N). As much as I hate losing a soldier, at least I get to keep a friend. Heh, and gain another if they like me."

My lip quivered, overwhelmed with both disappointment and gratitude, suddenly realizing the great lengths Levi had gone to best accommodate me. I guess he really had given me the chance to join him in battle, but when that became impossible, he made sure to soften the blow as best he could. Taking Erwin's hand in mine, I smiled through my tears.

"How could anyone ever dislike you, Commander Erwin?"

A hearty "tch" echoed from nearby as Levi sauntered over to my side. Slapping his hand onto Erwin's shoulder, he shot the Commander a friendly glare as he addressed me.

"You so easily forget how much I used to fucking hate this old bastard, eyebrows and all."

Reaching up with one of his large hands, Erwin ruffled Levi's hair in jest, joyfully chuckling as his laughter boomed throughout the room. I snickered at Levi's reaction, a comical mixture of amusement and disgust, as he lunged away from Erwin. The friendship between these two was respectfully complicated, and yet it worked in its own strange way. In retrospect, I could have never asked for anything more when it came to my superiors.

As our conversation waned, Erwin took note of my inability to keep my eyes open and bid Levi and me goodnight. Not too long after the Commander's departure, Levi joined me under the sheets, where he tightly wrapped his arms around me and nuzzled into my neck, deeply inhaling my scent. His embrace was warm and comforting yet filled with fearful uncertainty, knowing it could be our last night together.