The hard but weird things

Chapter 31

Tiyla's P.O.V

Call me crazy,pshyco or messed up but if you were in my position you would want to be free.You'd go to extreme lengths to get it, doesnt mean your crazy.

Missing everyone eventually will go away so im not worried because your left with nothing but yourself in the end.

What I have to do might seem sad and pshycoish but this is the choice I've made and im sticking to it.....

My plan is just to act like i know that killing myself was bad and that i shouldnt have done it or thought of it in the first place.Then when the time is right I'll know when its time to go....

Cheesy yes,but its apart of the plan.......my plan.

There maybe bumps in this plan but im certain it will work,no one knows me aswell as they think which is sad in a way but also good because no one will be able to know what Im going to do.

No more kate.No more rumours.No more mocking.No more problems.

It will feel so good.......and I cant wait.

This is wrong

Its not wrong if it feels right.

Stop this

Why?

You are better than this! Your going to hurt alot of people.....

Well alot of people have hurt me so if they are hurting when im gone than thats fine by me.

My mind has no response.I slowly climb into my cold bed and think about what will happen in the next few days.......Until my door opens......

Show time.....

"Tiyla...."I sit up and lean against the back board.

"What do you want me to say? I already told you why"My eyes stick to looking at the wall infront of me.

"No you didnt tiyla....what you did today was just.....just dont ever try something like that again ok? promise me"my fake tears come,I nod and he pulls me into a comforting hug.

"Im sorry rhece......"liar.

"Your not getting away with anything ok? your grounded for a month and you are to go straight to school and come straight home ok?"The anger in me rises but i push it back down and just nod.

He wipes his own tears then kisses my forehead.

"Im here tiyla......always....Im going to be that someone you needed.."He says quietly before leaving.What he said was careing....but it wont matter for long....

I wipe my fake tears,Crying makes me feel weak and vulnerable and from now No more crying if its fake than it doesnt matter.In order to get through this plan I need to let go of anything I've ever cared about.....Austin and rhece you cant let go of them and you know it....

Its part of the plan.....But Maybe i wont let everything go.....but it has to be mostly everything.....

No it doesnt.....

Austin's P.O.V

Rhece has been quiet ever since we've come back from that tourist sight....

What he said didnt seem true.....something else happened.....but he wouldnt lie to me.....right?

Tiyla.....Im worried for what feels like the first time in years.....what a shitty brother i am.....

All i want to do now is help her.....

"Shes asleep"Rhece comes through the kitchen,running his hands through his hair.

"Was she ok?"

"Yeah she was ok.....it was like i got through to her......hopefully"a pang of jealousy hits me like a ball in the face.That should be me.....Im her brother.....

You were crape to her how do you expect her to open up to you?

I know ok.....but i am her brother and she should be able to trust me.....If i was her i wouldnt trust you.....

Ok yes i agree.......But this time its going to be different.....

Your going to hurt her.....

I know ok! Im going to try not to ok?......I just cant afford to lose anyone else.....Shes the only family besides rhece i have thats been through alot with me........and i dont think i can handle losing anyone else......It may seem like i didnt care about her....but i did deep down.......i was just so hurt....that late nights,drinking,soccer seemed to be my way to forget.....thats all i wanted was to forget but not forget about tiyla but thats exactly what i did.....Never once did i ever think of tiyla......and i realise how much of an idiot i was for doing that......I feel so bad for doing that,shutting her out when she tried to help me......never once did i see of she was ok.....She always covered for me,cared for me no matter how much of a coldhearted jerk i was being.....I didnt mean any of it,my mind was so full of hurt and anger i didnt realise i was taking out on her........so now i will be there for her whether she likes it or not.