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for the past seven months the thirteen of us have been together. surviving. rationing. killing walkers. after the walkers invaded the farm we got desperate, we lost everything. winter was hard, we almost starved but we didn't. we coulda died but we didn't. rick's been keeping us together.
i haven't had a real conversation with rick in forever, probably since the night shane was killed. i just couldn't face him, it's too hard right now, i need more time before ever speaking to them about the things that happened. this also goes for his speech he said at the fire the night after we lost the farm. the way he spoke about shane, yes it might've been true, but he said terrible things about him in front of my daughter. it pissed me off, and i don't forget disrespect like that.
and ever since i've been pissed at him for that, my child's father dies and you decide it's a good time to let her know what you thought of him? you just don't do that.
in ways, lola forgave him. she'd talk to him on occasions, as well as karleen, but lori not so much. my sister knew how i felt about the woman, and was on my side with this.
regarding rick again, i personally don't have a need to speak to him, i can hear his demands and speeches just fine without the two of us having to communicate, so trying to have a conversation is irrelevant at this point. every time i wonder if i should, i think of my dead husband, and what he said in front of lola.
the same goes for lori, we'll meet eyes on accident from time to time but other than that we aren't talking, i won't talk to her, especially after our big fight awhile ago.
she destroyed my heart with what happened, and a simple apology just doesn't fix something like that, you can't ever fix a situation that serious.
my rage for what happened has simmered down, but my resentment is still there for her, i think it always will be.
a lot of changes happened during the long, hard months, lori's almost ready to have the baby, and lola just turned twelve about two and a half months ago. and daryl and karleen? don't think they're dating, they just have a little thing going on.
we were all outside waiting for the clear from the guys. we've been on the road for a couple days now, sleeping in the cars, at campsites, and haven't found real shelter. but we found this nice looking house on the side roads. but if there's one thing you learn while being on the road in a world like this, it's that to never get your hopes up, expect the worst.
i was snapped out of my daze when i heard rick give us the all clear with a whistle. everyone went in before me, and since i was the last rick attempted to speak to me. "nikki-"
