due date // s.m

under and under and under again

"I miss you." I sighed. 

~one month later~

It was most definitely getting harder without Shawn around. Kora was near taking her first steps and it broke my heart more than anything that Shawn would possibly miss it. I think the most concerning thing was that Kora would forget her dad. I know that possibility was slim, but it still worried me. 

But good news was that I was gonna be visiting Shawn with Kora in London, so maybe that's when Kora would take her first steps with Shawn and I both present. 

That good news turned into not good news.

When I received a phone call from Andrew that put everything into a downward spiral.

"Change of plans princess, you can't come to London. Shawn's schedule is completely booked and there's no time." Andrew said as soon as I answered the phone.

"You're joking right? London has been in the schedule since you planned this tour. Make time." I said to him as I bounced a crying Kora in my arms. "Shawn hasn't seen his daughter in almost two months."

"There's no time to make." 

"That's bullshit. What are you gonna do if we just show up?" I said. 

"I'll make your life and your career a living hell."

"You think I'm scared of you?" I laughed.

"You and I both know very well that you should be." 

That was the end of that phone call. 

So, Kora and I didn't end up going to London that weekend. I could tell how upset Shawn was that I wasn't there when we had been looking forward to this since he left for tour in the first place. 

"Unfortunately, Kora has come down with a bug and we can't make it." I sighed. "She's too sick to travel."

"What? Then I'm coming home." Shawn said quickly.

"No, no, it's not serious, I just don't want to make it worse." I told him, "I'm really sorry." 

"Camila was gonna be here this weekend, we were excited to see you." He looked so sad and I could feel my eyes watering. 

"I know, it sucks." I shook my head, looking down. "I love you, I'm super tired, I'm just gonna go take a nap while I can."

That weekend I got a text that really put everything in motion. The downfall.

shawn💜: whatever you see, just know its not real

Not even a few hours later, pictures of Shawn and Camila were circulating from London and it became clear to me why Andrew didn't want me on this tour. 

I became heartbroken. No matter how many times Shawn and Camila blew up my phone telling me it wasn't real, it still hurt to be so hated by someone that they would do this to your relationship. 

I had Karen come pick up Kora so I could have an emotional breakdown in peace while I tried to figure out my feelings. 

News quickly spread about mine and Shawn's "breakup" and it was quite literally one of the worst feelings ever. Seeing the boy you loved, the boy you were in a very real relationship with, acting like he's dating someone new. 

I spent the next few days trying to sort my anger. After the stage of sadness, I was overwhelmed with anger. Then I came to peace. Because even though this whole PR thing was happening with Camila, I knew Shawn and I were still in love.

I even became okay with this PR thing for a little bit. I was fine seeing them hold hands and go on "dates". It became a problem the first night a photo surfaced of them kissing. 

I became livid all over again. I absolutely was not okay with this. 

I got a flight to Europe almost immediately and left, leaving Kora with Karen, who wholeheartedly supported this decision. 

Upon landing, I made my way to Shawn's hotel. Jake was conveniently in the lobby and he took me up to Shawn's room. 

Camila, Shawn, Andrew and Camila's manager whom I don't know the name of were in the middle of what looked like a meeting. 

"Samara, oh my gosh," Shawn was happy to see me when he stood up from the bed. 

Camila stood up as well and I I almost didn't even want to look at her. Until I did.

"Samara, I'm so sorry." 

"Shut up." I snapped. 

"So, I can't tour with Shawn but she can?" I looked to Andrew and he had a smug look on his face. "I'm the fucking mother of his child!" I was yelling at this point, tears threatening to fall from my eyes.

"It's the business, Falyn. I warned you." Andrew replied. 

"I think Camila and I should step out." Her manager said.

"Samara, I think if we just talk-"

"Oh, we're going to have a word." I glared at Shawn as I cut him off. 

Everyone left the room, leaving Shawn and I. 

As soon as the door shut, I broke down crying. Shawn walked over to me and hugged me tightly as I cried into his chest. When I finally stepped away and looked at him, I once again became angry.

"I can't believe you." 

"It's not real."

"I don't care if it's real or not, how could you even agree to this?" I was still crying, I probably looked horrendous after that long ass flight. 

"You don't understand-"

"I feel like I'm being cheated on, Shawn! Do you understand how hard it is seeing someone you love looking so happy like you and Camila are? Having everyone left and right compare me to her? How can I even compare to her?" 

Out of everything, being compared to the perfection that is Camila Cabello, was probably one of the worst. 

"I would never cheat-"

"You already did. You kissed her, Shawn." The image of them flashed into my head and I had to sit down. 

"It's not real, I swear."

"That's not the point!" I was back on my feet as I yelled at him. "I didn't get any warning other than a stupid text!" 

"I'm sorry." He said, quietly. I think now he was seeing things from my point of view. "But you know how Andrew can be."

Never mind.

"I don't care!" I yelled again, "How could you be so spineless to stand up to your manager, who in the end, works for you? How could you let him threaten our relationship? Our family? Why is this a continuing issue?"

"Samara, you know our family is the most important thing in my life." He said.

"Then fucking act like it." I made my way towards the door as I wiped my tears. I was stopped by him grabbing my arm.

I pulled away from him and opened the door. I turned back to look at him before slamming the door and making my journey back to Canada. The last thing I said to him was,

"Until you man up, we're done." 

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