Just Breathe

chapter nine:

Black

Eddie pov

Sitting in the studio and going over song line ups, was uneventful to say the least. Mike and Stone kept arguing about God knows what. Everytime I jotted down a song lyric, I'd quickly scribbled it out in frustration. This next album of ours was going nowhere.

I look over and see Jeff lighting up a bowl and Dave staring off into space, high off his ass. Least they looked happy. I stood up from where I was and tossed my notebook on the table, heading over to Jeff. 

"Hey man, need a hit?" Jeff weezed before looking away and coughing into his arm. I sat down next to him and took his offer. 

"What's the matter Jeff? Can't handle the smoke?" I smirked, lighting up the bowl and breathing in a deep hit. I blow the smoke in Jeff's direction as he flipped me off. 

"Real funny Ed, ha ha." Came Jeff sarcastically as he rolled his eyes. He took the bowl back and set it on the table for another refill. I started to tap my fingers on the back of the sofa. Imagine the good as my thoughts wandered back to her. Fuck, she was perfect. I was soon interrupted from my day dream when my eyes caught Jeff.

"Dude, all this arguing is giving me a fucking headache. I don't even understand what the big deal is anyway? Their guitar chords for fucks sake." 

I just shrugged not realizing that, that was being argued between the two guitarists now.

"Yeah," I agreed, leaning back and closing my eyes. Thinking again about this long haired beauty that has captivated my every thought. It's been barely seven hours since I last saw her but I was itching to get back to her. I really needed to slow my roll. She's such a shy and timid creature, though I wanted to break her from her shell and give her wings to fly. She deserves to fly and one day she will, I'll be sure if it.

Then she happened. Storming in with her dark presence, only to destroy another thing that I care so deeply about. I thought when we parted ways we'd never see each other again. I guess the ocean only goes so far before another wave hits. Just this wave tries to drown you. 

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"I think we need to stop this, I just can't take it. I haven't been happy and everytime I think I am I find a reason not to be." I dropped my head and slumped into our couch. I wanted nothing more but to run away and just leave. This needed to happen as much as I wish it didn't. 

A long pause filled the room only gasps of her tears and girdling atemps of her voice as each word that left her mouth was nothing but 'please' and 'don'ts.'

"Allison, please don't make this harder. I thought what we had was good but it wasn't. You never wanted me for me. The whole band could see that. I won't leash myself for someone who only wants me for a name." I looked up at her and saw my confession become confirmed. Her once sadness replaced quickly with anger. 

"Oh so that's it, huh? You just want me to leave? Like that? I fucking loved you Eddie." She hissed, stomping her foot in aggression.

"Yeah I sure felt that love when I saw you sprawled out on another man's bed." I rolled my eyes and shook my head. She used my fame to get involved with other guys from bands. I was just to stupid to not see that untill now.

"It's done Allison, just leave."

She didn't say anything. Her shoulders shook as she tried to keep what little composure she had left.  

"You don't mean this? You still love me?" She tried acting innocent, wanting to deny my accusation but she of all people knew I was right.

I didn't saying back. Which only seemed to anrage her more.

"You're going to regret this Ed, I've made you who you are. Remember that!" She spat with a witch like scream. 

I only looked away from her. Feeling completely done and over this childish behavior. The only regret I felt was wishing I'd have done this sooner. 

Her tantrum flared as I gave her no more of my attention. She came to realize this and stomped her feet as she walked herself out the door and out of my life. 

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That was the last time I ever spoke her name or even thought about her. I sighed knowing the painful truth that I would have to say and bring up a past that I wished more than anything to keep hidden and buried. I looked around the room and decided I needed to come clean. I couldn't allow this to eat me up anymore. 

"Hey guys, I need to talk to you." I sat up nervously waiting till I had all their attention on me but I still needed to take a few deep breaths just to collect myself. 

"What's up man?" Came Stones, worried tone when I hadn't said anything.

"Last night at the party, when Natalie came back from the bathroom. I found out what upset her." I bit the inside of my cheek and curled my fingers into a fist, hating the name before I had even spoke it. 

"It was Allison."

"What?" Yelled Jeff, dropping his weed and turning towards me on the couch.

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me." Groaned Stone and Mike both. Looking at me to confirm. 

"I wish I was. I guess she saw Nat and I together."

"Who the fuck even invited her? She knows nobody likes her to begin with." Stone couldn't believe it. He walked around the tiny coffee table and planted himself on the edge.

I ran my hand through my hair and tugged at a knot. I myself didn't understand why she was even there. Cornell despises her, so I doubt he invited her. She must have overheard and just decided to crash it, typical.  

"So what happened?" 

"She took it upon herself to go and share a few words with Natalie, I guess. Nat wouldn't go into detail about it. She honestly didn't have to. We all know how Allison and can get." I looked up and saw what everyone was thinking. It was anger, hurt, pain and worry. We all knew what Allison was capable of and what she has done to place herself in the shit list. I shook my head and looked down in denial, just when my life was becoming a little brighter I get a storm. 

"Hey Ed, don't feel like you've gotta take her on alone." Came Mike's voice. "Who knows maybe she won't show her face again." He shrugged hopeful even though it was clear he didn't even believe himself.

"Yeah, sure." I pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed. This was just the beginning of her. She'd show up again and again, just like she always had. 

"Dude, she won't fuck up your life again. We almost lost you to her before. We sure as hell aren't again. Besides, last night when I saw you with Natalie. That was probably the happiest I've ever seen you, man. I'm glad she has you. You need a light like her in your life." 

I looked over at Jeff, lost for words after everything he'd said. He reached out and placed his hand over my shoulder, giving it a firm grip. 

"I mean it man." He smiled as I nodded, reaching out and placing my hand over his shoulder as well. 

"Hey assholes, don't leave us out on this." Chimed Stone as him, Dave and Mike all got in and placed their hands on everyone's shoulder. We all huddled together, forming a brotherly circle, our heads pushed together in care as we all just stood there in place. I was grateful I had friends like them in my life. I knew no matter the struggle, they'd always have my back. 

"Thanks guys." I looked up at them all and smirked. They all nodded and backed away, giving me some space as I stood up off th e couch and cleared my throat.

There was a long awkward pause of no one saying anything. That's when a thought came to mind. 

"So… coffee anyone?"