Chapter Sixteen.
"I'll definitely leave you and that attitude alone." —Miranda Nile.
Louisiana State University
March 9th, 2018
Citrus absentmindedly leaned over, and turned the radio to her vehicle completely off. Jazmine Sullivan's; Forever Don't Last, did nothing but heighten her damp mood. Therefore, she had to cut it short. Today it seemed as though every other song that played on her journey to Campus, just so happened to scream out a lyric or two—that was more than close to her personal situation.
Over the past weeks or so, Citrus didn't know how to feel in it's entirety. However, a feeling she couldn't ignore; was the guilt. It weighed down on her like a sheet of freezing cold ice. Caught in her gut, and chilling her veins. Figuratively speaking, in her case; it could be a hundred degrees out and she'd still be frozen on the inside.
The thing about it all; was that she didn't know whom exactly to be guilty for. Was it the fact that she stepped out on her first love? Or the reality that what was once considered whole, was no more on the account of her. The pressure to remain a good wife, hell even a good person overall was tearing her insides down. Citrus had been the one to mess up, which was something that no one expected. For her it was deeper than this affair. The yearn to be perfect had been embedded into her everyday life, even as a little kid, and it was killing her that she wasn't. Her perfect image and innocent nature was no more, considering she did something that was unthinkable. Something far from perfect.
Pulling into her assigned parking spot in the student's parking lot, Citrus shifted gears next retrieving the keys from the ignition. Her eyes making her way towards the sea of people outside, mingling, making their way to class, or simply relaxing.
Citrus was counting down the months day by day. May was right around the corner which meant that she was finally graduating. Four long years of stressful nights, long lectures, agonizing eight-paged essays, along with arrogant men and catty females. College truly was High School but with more work, alcohol, and temptation involved. Needless to say, she was over it.
Vibrating against her pants leg, caused Citrus to look down at her sliding phone. Quickly she grabbed it before it could meet the black mats of her vehicle. Facetime icon in full sight along with Miranda's name, Citrus pressed accept.
"Hey girl," Miranda appeared on the screen. Face fresh of any makeup, almond brown skin on full display. Glowing amongst the Louisiana sun. "Do you want to grab lunch with me? Reese was supposed to meet me but something came up."
"I have class."
"I know," Miranda chuckled. "As do I...I meant after."
"I don't see why not," Citrus shrugged. "So are guys a thing now?" She raised a brow.
Over analyzing and observing the slight change the two had made in reacting with one another, within a months time; allowed her to come up with this inference.
"I guess you can say that."
Citrus forced a smile. From what she knew, Braelin had been hanging out with Reese as well. Although, everyone involved was very much single Citrus predicted one big mess just awaiting to happen. Especially because she knew how Braelin got over the men she entertained.
"What was that?" Miranda frowned.
"What was what?"
"The look you gave me, that fake ass smile."
"Nothing," Citrus shook her head. "I'm just out of it today."
Feeling lower than low, Citrus couldn't even look her very own husband in his eyes. Weeks had passed and the sex had increased between her and a man she had no business being around. Every moment she was thinking of the predicament she placed herself in. As said before, the guilt was eating her alive. However, not enough to push her to end the affair. She loved her husband deeply, but over-indulgence was a real thing.
