On Tour | B.E ✔️

Chapter sixteen

Our time in the airport starts with a teary goodbye as we part ways with Claudia, who was due back in LA for an audition and other responsibilities.

I had hope she would return soon, knowing already that it wouldn't be the same without her. My entire tour experience had been spent with whole family, and with the arrival of Que and the departure of Claudia, I wasn't dealing well. What's new.

I silently fell into step next to Finneas, neither of us in a very chatty mood, but of us dealing with varying degrees of loss. I noticed Billie just as glum from the corner of my eye as she spoke with Que, which somehow made me feel even worse.

Sensing the frosty atmosphere between Billie and I, Maggie had me sit next to Fin on the plane. Thankfully he wasn't very particular about where he sat, and I once again happily claimed the window seat. I tried to pass the time before take off by watching the flight crew go about their business just outside the plane.

It felt weird, not speaking to Billie. I hadn't realised how much time we spent together until it was no longer an option. But she crossed a line. She hit me where she knew it would hurt the most and didn't pause to think about how it may effect me.

What she said wasn't okay, and I'm sick of running back to her whenever she's pissed. Even though arguing with her hurts, her bringing up my issues with my parents hurts more. I just don't know where this leaves me. I joined the tour to spend time with Billie, and now she doesn't want me around.

The overwhelming temptation to leave is hard to ignore but I already know from past experiences, that nothing will be fixed if you try to ignore it. And I don't think I'd ever be able to leave things like this with Billie. I guess I'll just have to stick it out and see what happens.

The plane trip was a quiet one, no one really in the mood to talk. I sat with my earphones in, eyes closed as I listened to the music. Not tired enough to sleep, but not enough energy to keep them open.

Flying was ten times worse this time around, with my arms folded, my hands felt as though they were permanently clenched tightly into fists.

One of Billie's songs eventually begins to play, and I can't bring myself to turn it off. So I sit there, letting it break me further.

"I love you, and I don't want to. But I love you."

                        ______________

I wake up completely disoriented, loud music still blasting into my ears. I turn it off and roll my shoulders painfully, feeling how stiff they are after falling asleep in an awkward position.

Checking the time on my phone, I work out that it'll be about an hour until we land. Wanting to stretch my legs a bit, I easily slide past a sleeping Finneas and make my way down the aisle. I stand at the door to the small bathroom, shifting uncomfortable from foot to foot as I waited for it to be free, needing to use the toilet.

When the door was finally pulled open, I avert my eyes to the ground as Billie steps out.

I swear to god if Que comes out after her I'm calling bullshit on life.

"Excuse me." I mutter as I make to go around her.

"What? You're not even gonna look at me now?" She scowls. "Whatever."

She barges past me without another word and guilt floods through me.

Catching the door before it closes, I go in and drag a hand over my face, left feeling frustrated by my encounter with Billie.

We finally land and make it to our hotel, everyone tired from the early start and horribly jet lagged. I had been put down to share with Finneas, meaning Billie was sharing with Que. It was a bittersweet feeling, knowing that Billie was getting the space she wanted, but also knowing that the space from me may push her closer to Que.

But I just want her to be happy, even if that means hardly ever seeing her.

I guess it's fine, she has her priorities. I just wish that I was one of them.

                       _______________

Billie's mood got progressively worse and worse over the next few days, only putting on a smile for press interviews. Not only were people worried about her mental health, but there was also a concern about what it meant for her concert tomorrow.

It had gotten to the point where she would snap at everyone for no reason, and I felt terrible knowing that I was to blame.

"I just don't know what to do anymore." I admit to Fin as we sit on a couch in the lobby of the hotel. "It's been days since we last spoke."

"Just give it time Erin." He tells me reassuringly. "She'll come around eventually. You know how stubborn she can be."

I nod, wanting to believe him, but the doubting voice in my head is hard to ignore. "Maybe it would be best if I left." I say quietly.

"If you want to leave so bad then just go!" Billie yells, coming up from behind where Fin and I are sitting, taking me by surprise and making the last of my patience snap.

"Fine." I growl, "I'll leave."

"No, Erin stop! You can't just leave." Finneas argues, chasing after me as I storm to our room.

"I'm sick of this. She obviously wants me gone and I can't stand it anymore. She hates me." I say, my voice breaking.

"She doesn't hate you." He says softly, gripping my hand in his.

"I just want to go home Fin." I sob "but I don't even know where that is anymore."

Finneas pulls me into his chest, holding me as I cry.

_______________

"I wish I could come with you to the airport." Maggie says sadly as we stand in front of the car.

"Me, too." I reply, hugging her goodbye.

As soon as Billie is finished with her performance, they have to head straight to the airport to catch a flight to Portugal. Even though I had wanted to watch the concert, the only time I could get a plane back to LA was after it. But it's probably for the best.

I continue to wave goodbye to everyone as the car pulls away, and I can't help but notice Billie's absence.

Two hours later, after going through the processes of the airport, I finally reach my gate, heaving a sigh of relief. My decision to leave was extremely last minute and I barely had time think as I rushed to get here on time.

When my flight number is called, the reality of what I'm doing sets in and I hesitate.

Is this really what I want?

I look around me at the crowd of people, suddenly unsure. Shaking off the feeling of uncertainty, I know what I need to do and I'm determined to follow through with it.

A/N: thank you so much for reading this and I hope you enjoyed it! I don't know where my sudden motivation to write came from but fingers crossed it means I can get the next part out as soon as possible 😂

As always, please don't forget to vote and comment your thoughts!

Much love, Isabel 💕