Sugarcane and Indigo

On the Road to Truth part 1

    I stared, unblinking into his face. "My mom's dead."

    Indigo blinked once, twice, three times before whispering, "Oh, Lavender," and leaned forward to scoop me into his arm across the seat divider.

    I was fine for a moment. Really, I was.

    I leaned against Indigo's chest listening to the beating of his heart. The thump, thump rhythm echoing throughout my head. Weirdly, that was the thing that got me; hearing his heart beating.

    I listened and I felt this ball of pain fizzling inside my chest. I've spent years thinking that my mom left me behind because she didn't want me and even longer hating her for it. I grew around it like a tree and a boulder, curving around its edges and burying it with my roots. I made myself strong against it. And now, what? It wasn't true? Suddenly the foundation that I've constructed my life on - that my Grammie wasn't great but she was there, that my mother left me behind, that I was alone because of her choices - none of them were true anymore.

    My Grammie lied to me, raised me like a pig for slaughter. My mother was gone because of me. I was alone because that's just what I was. The sky is blue, Violet is dead, and I was alone.

    Are you still you if the definition you use to define yourself changes?

I buried my head into Indigo's shirt. Slowly, like the beginning of a rainstorm that grows into a flood, tears started leaking out of me and quickly became the sobs tearing their way through my chest. I hadn't meant to say that; I had meant to say something about how I was stressed about the case or Grammie, but sometimes words demanded to be spoken. Sometimes you have a truth that refuses to let go of you. The words were out before I even knew they were being said.

    "Shhh, it's okay, darling. It's okay," Indigo whispered over and over again.

    I pressed tighter against him and let myself cry for the first time in years.

    "I hate her!" I sobbed, "She's gone and I hate her!"

    Indigo pulled me tighter against his chest and kept whispering, "It's okay, Lavie. It's going to be okay."

    I shook my head. I didn't know if I was trying to deny what he was saying or if I was just trying to block out the pain but I kept shaking my head "no".

    "I'm alone," I sobbed, "I'm alone. Everyone leaves. Everyone goes away."

    I gasped for breath between the sobs, choking on my own sadness. I didn't know people could do that.

    Indigo pulled back and held me at arms-length. From the corner of my eye I saw my reflection in the mirror. I looked like everything Grammie said I was. Too lightskin, too nappy-headed, too weak. I turned away to try to block out the knowledge of what I was.

    Indigo held my face between his hands and swiped away the tears tumbling down my cheeks. His grip was bruising, like he was trying to imprint the feel of his thumbs against my jawline into my skin to take with me when he left. He'd leave too.

    "Lavender Fletch, listen to me right now. Alright?"

    I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to shake my head but his grip just tightened.

    "Lavender, look at me."

    My hands gripped his wrists and I tried to pull away. I didn't want him to see me like this. Didn't want him to finally see what everyone else saw that made me so unloveable. If he saw then he'd leave too.

    "Lavender," Indigo all but growled.

    I finally pried my eyes open enough to see his face.

    "You are not alone, you have never been alone."

    I choked on something halfway between a laugh and a sob. "You're lying."

    Indigo scooted as close as he could with the seat divider still between us. "I'm not. You had yourself, Lavender. That's nothing to laugh at. Do you know how strong you have to be to be in your own corner?"

    I didn't say anything. I was grieving for myself, I couldn't also save myself. It didn't work like that.

    Indigo sighed. "Having you, Lavender Fletch, on my side has been a gift I would never give back. So, if it helps you, I promise, right now, that I won't leave you. No matter what."

    Indigo had too see-through eyes. They let you believe what you wanted to even when you knew you shouldn't trust him. But, I did trust his jaw. And something about the way he clenched it like he was determined to honor his promise made me believe him.

    I sniffled and slowly my tears stopped falling. "You promise?"

    "I promise."

He leaned forward and just for a moment - just one perfect, illusionary moment - I thought he was about to kiss me. But he just leaned closer and placed a light kiss to my forehead, lingering for just a second too long. I closed my eyes - in disappointment or relief, I don't know.

    "I promise," he repeated one final time.

Don't forget to vote, add, or comment if you enjoyed the chapter. The second part should be coming soon. I really enjoyed your comments on the last chapter. Tell me what you thought of this moment. Have you figured out who the son is from the last chapter? Do you think you know who physically killed Violet? Why do you think Indigo can see ghosts? And what do you think is waiting for them at the plantation? Thanks for reading!