a letter to words

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You come and go,
You fickle-minded fellow.
There are times when
I wait for you all day
On my doorstep
But you never arrive
I wait for you all day
Beside the phone
But you never call.
And I get jealous
When these people post new stuff
On social media
And you're there
Gracing them with your presence,
Creating wonderful compositions.
I wonder why
You don't visit me
In my most mundane days
Don't you know
I needed you
To somehow escape
The routine that had
Slowly sucked me in.
At times I had to force you
To appear
Feigning happiness
To celebrate life or love
or health or anything,
Feigning cleverness
And try to ensnare you
with pretentious wits
Feigning loneliness
To make you stay
But nothing good ever come
With forced interactions.
At times, you're just there
Lingering about,
Being your usual, elusive self,
Like playing hide and seek,
I know you're there
At the tip of my tongue
I just can't figure you out
And when I try,
Just when I thought
You're within my reach,
You fly farther away.
But you're not always absent either,
You're always there
When the darkness
Creeps over me.
You visit, knocking
on the door hard enough
To wake me up
In the middle of the night
You talk and you talk
And you listen
To my thoughts,
Even to those
I never wanted to be known.
You pinpoint
the exact emotion I am feeling
and make them more tangible,
More felt, more fixable.
When you come
In the middle of the night,
You never seem
To want to leave,
Keeping me up all night
Keeping me company
Keeping me entertained
Promising me that
We'll go on a long vacation
To forget everything.
Until...
I feel better,
And I see less
and less of you
And you somehow
made your exit
without being noticed,
without getting thanked.

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