Listen, Don't Touch ~BOYXBOY~

Listen, Don't Touch ~ Chapter 21

"Casey."

"H-hi." I gulped. "J-James."

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.

.

"Go to your room, give daddy some time with our guest and then we'll go pick up mommy." The little girl bobbed her head up and down, gave me a final suspicious glance, then ran up the stairs.

"Is that your d-daughter?"

James settled his gaze on me, and smiled. He smiled.

James looked more like mom. He had darker hair, a slight tan. Normal, warm eyes. He was tall but not much taller than me. He used to tower over me, but now we were more equal. How much older was he? Much, much older. He should be about 29 or 30 by now. And he seemed so comfortable. I wonder how he decided to have a kid, if taking care of me was so terrible. "Her name is Naya. Go ahead, sit."

Cozy home, a daughter, a wife.

"You've gotten pretty tall huh?" He laughed.

I managed a smile and a small laugh. "I drink milk." Oh my fucking god what a stupid thing to say. GET IT TOGETHER CASE.

"Let's get straight to it," he started, with a small smile still on his lips, "you want to know about dad."

If my heart could beat faster, it did just now. "You said he...he contacted you? What did he say? Did he..." Did he ask about me?

"He lives in Oregon" I leaned in, grasping on to every word. You might not understand this importance. I've felt abandoned for most of my life. The only warm times I could remember was when my family was whole, and now with my new family. I want to believe my dad had his reasons, and I want to believe that despite James, despite my mom, he had really loved me, and he was looking for me. "He wanted to apologize. For leaving. He's not married. He's actually teaching. Music."

I felt a smile tug on my lips. That's not too bad. He's still doing what he loves. He's alive.

"He doesn't want to see you."

Ah.

"I told him what happened. He knew about mom. I made sure he knew what I had to go through because of you. So of course, he knows all about you too."

I felt a sting in my eyes. "What about me?" I whispered. The thought, you don't know me, surprised me. He did know me. The old me.

He was silent for a second, looked down at his hands then back at me. His gaze wasn't warm. It was piercing. But the corners of his mouth stayed upturned. "I wanted to meet you because I wanted to apologize too. I was twenty, Casey. I was struggling to pay for college. Mom, she...she was doing the best she could." I had to look away. "She suffered too. Her husband left her with two kids. One of them caused a fucking– caused a problem everywhere he went," suddenly his voice was quiet, but a firm, dangerous quiet, "she killed herself, and it wasn't my fault. It was yours. It was dads. And I– I had to deal with all of that once she was gone. How was I supposed to raise a ten year old that couldn't shut up?"

He took a deep breath. "I couldn't handle it. I had to leave, it felt like the only way. And I knew you were messed up but I couldn't do anything, I couldn't afford it. So I'm sorry. I'm sorry I was weak. I'm sorry I ran away. But I just couldn't handle you."

Silence.

A long, long moment of silence. I could feel the rise and fall in my chest. It felt like I was going to faint. Like my breathing was coming shorter. Oh god please help me stay strong.

"I saw the video of you online. I was disappointed that you even after everything you have caused, you and your music, you still had the audacity to pick up that guitar of his. Look at me." I looked up immediately. My eyes were wet but I wasn't crying yet. Stay strong. "Casey. I want to help you. I am in a better place and I have the means to help you. But I'm not going to if you keep playing music. Unless you quit your stupid band and turn your life around, I'm not going to help. I'm not giving you dad's number either."