The Assassin Queen

Twenty Three: Trapped

"I still have your back!" I want to scream

"How you said you'd care If I died, and that I could be your queen.....Always and Forever remember" she sobs on my chest

I remember, I remember! And you will be my queen. Always and Forever.

"why was our forever so short"

I am crying, and dying and gasping for breath. I am screaming inside myself.

I scream and scream because in a way she is right.

Our forever was too short.

Instead I'll watch her move on with her life, I'll be around when she marries and has children. And becomes Queen and rules her kingdom. I will be eventually forgotten, she will leave me one day. I shriek and scream, and pound on this invisible barrier holding me.

I remember how she was quiet after that except for her sobs which eventually subsided.

As she fell asleep.

I hate and love that memory.

She lays on me now again trying to rest like Asher suggested, resting her head on my chest.

Listening to my heartbeat.

I feel her reach over and touch my hair, for the second time today.

She twirls a strand of my hair around her finger, just playing with my hair while she lays beside me.

And my heart and mind find a bit of peace.

I'll find a way, I will wake up.

I think the key may lie in my magic.

I felt it flare wildly when she lost control.

Her magic calls my own, if she were to let go and release her magic completely maybe it would stir my magic enough to break me free of this slumber.

And then theirs the bond, I have tugged and tugged at it.

Pulling her to me, but maybe it's because she doesn't accept who she is, because in denying her identity she denies me.

I don't know...

I just want to talk to her.

The bond must have done something though, because she realized I was not unaware like Asher believes.

That's another thing, even if i was awake I don't know if I could face my Kingdom.

I am no longer the sweet angel like prince they remembered.

I am a vicious killer and not worthy of anything really.

I failed in everything.

Except in killing

Oh yes how I excelled in that....

And then theirs my family, my parents, my sister Evangeline and my little brother Alexander.

How do I face them? Knowing that I am a killer? I am a monster...

"Nikolai Leonhart Kavaleer" Dasha whispers

Ahh yes, my name.

I hate it.

It doesn't feel like it's me.

Just some foreign name of a kind, sweet, young prince.

Not an Assassin.

Felix will do just fine, it is still my name.

That's what the " F."  Stands for.

"It'll take some taking used to, maybe I'll just keep calling you Felix for a while."

Anything you'd like love.

Anything at all.

I can tell by her breathing that she's fallen asleep.

The only times I feel ok is when she's around.

When she leaves

I practically die inside

Trapped alone, fearing she'll forget me.

I hate this dark prison, that happens to be myself.

But I'll find a way, if not to break free then for someone to kill me.

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The name Prince Nikolai F. Leonhart Kavaleer, is quite a mouth full.

And he's awake, just imagine how horrible it would be.

Being trapped inside yourself listening to the world go by.

The sheer boredom alone would drive me crazy.