small world

chapter 35

CHARLIE

The connection of our lips sent sparks flying around us, a rush of energy fueled my entire body, the life and love from Harry escaping from his lips to mine and bringing me back to life; the beeping of the heart monitor going wild as it pumped passionately during the kiss. But too soon Harry was ripped from my grasp, and the chaos of reality took place of his presence. I sat wide-eyed as they ran tests, watching as multiple doctors checked my results and shared information with each other. Worries and faces of my friends filled my mind, I longed to hear the sound of Louis’ comfortingly familiar voice, the burst of Niall’s laughter, to feel the warmth of Liam’s bear hugs and see the sparkle of Zayn’s dark eyes, but the aching of my heart was what took over my thoughts most powerfully. All I could think of was that I needed him. I needed his arms around mine, to hold me and whisper in my ear that everything was going to be okay, not just for now but for forever. Every time a doctor told me “this is a miracle”, or they peered up at me behind oversized spectacles and a clipboard shaking their head saying “we honestly didn’t think you’d be seeing tomorrow, you have an angel looking out for you” I thought of my mother, that somehow she knew I had more of life to live and that as much as she wanted me with her she wasn’t ready to see me – or more so she believed I wasn’t ready to see her. I thought of Harry and everything unsaid and undone, how far we have come but so much more remained for us. The hopes and dreams of my future flashed before me, the success of the man and friends I love, him standing at the end of the aisle, us sitting in an unfortunetly nostalgic position holding a life we made together in our arms, everything seemed so guaranteed to me in the past but now suddenly didn’t seem so certain. My existence was just short of expiration, and now thankfully I still had my whole life ahead of me, but every atom of my being feared what that was that remained in the future. So quickly things could have changed last night, not only my life but Harry’s, Louis’ – everyone’s; one action, a single moment could change everything, and for some reason I no longer felt confident in my fairy tale ending.

HARRY

Not long after the clock struck midnight I was whisked away, like Cinderella hurriedly fleeing from the ball, returning to my previous position in the waiting game. Time dragged on and my patience had expired; the minute hand seemed to have been still behind the thick glass of the clock hung above the entrance to the hall Charlie was in. I sat in the waiting room with my elbows propped on my knees, fingers laced together and my foot subconsciously out of anxiety was tapping against the cold linoleum floor. The sound of various threads of footsteps continually captivated my attention, my eyes following them in hopes of someone with a clipboard to hold the answers. All I needed to know was that Charlie was going to be okay, and once that hopefully was taken care of what I really needed to be sure of is if Charlie and I were to be okay.

“Harry,” the now memorized doctor’s deep toned voice startled me from my own thoughts “Charlie’s asleep now, everything is going to be fine,” miraculously the four letter word wiped away most my worries, calming my pounding heart but I wouldn’t breath easy until I saw her with my own eyes. I struggled to catch his every word, the desire of her body wrapped in mine clouded my ability to pay attention, “The tests went well and remarkably her memory is seemingly fully intact. I’m sure there will be things and people she won’t remember, but anyone in her daily life will surely be remembered. We’re hoping that with reminders everything will come back in time. It will probably be good to remind her of important memories and things, and retell her stories you know she wouldn’t want to forget – but we’re hoping it’s the big things she will remember, irrelevancy she may forget. She’s going to have to stay over night, so you can head home and back tomorrow.”

“Can I stay with her?” I panicked “I’m sure she would want me to be here when she wakes… please doctor?” desperation and tears lined my words, my voice cracking mid-plea. He nodded, seeming to genuinely understand, and shortly I was on my feet, my hand wrapped around the cold knob to enter the room. I stared at her through the glass before opening the door – she always looked so peaceful when she slept, even in times of disaster. I hoped she was dreaming of me, of us. I hoped she hadn’t forgotten all of the memories I loved with her. I hoped she remembered the play dates we had as kids, running through the yards to each other’s back doors. I hoped she remembered the first kiss we shared when we were purely innocent children, under the slide of the swing set we spent our summers on. I hoped she remembered me awkwardly walking her up to her room on that first night we re-met, the lyrics from the night of the Ed Sheeran concert. I hoped she remembered me causing a scene for her, chasing her onto the train too afraid to let go of her again; the twinkling fairy lights at the park and the chill of the water on our naked skin in the lake. I hope she remembered how perfect Christmas was, the simplicity of every night just absorbing each other; the stars in the Ibiza night sky and the feeling of the sun on our skin. I hope she remembered the way she made my heart speed up, how her eyes were my biggest weakness, pulling me in with even the smallest of glares. I hope she remembered the feeling of her hand in mine, the many times she told me how safe she felt with me, the feeling of my lips on her neck. These were things I would never forget, and never wanted her to miss out on remembering.