Abstraction

•im scared•

I'm afraid of the truth
And of everything that's happening
I'm afraid of finding proof
I'm afraid of simply being

I think I forgot how to be happy
But I remember the skies above
I would leave this place gladly,
But I'm afraid of falling out of love

I wish both my worlds would live in harmony
But each side has a knife
Neither of them care about me
But both of them want a wife

As I curiously crave the impossible
And the sky begins to fall
Will I still look for a bible
Or will I accept hell?

She knows she deserves it
She knows she's a weak soul
One that can be tamed
One that can't be whole

I know I can't be satisfied
I know my heart's still beating
But that doesn't mean I haven't died
That doesn't mean it's not repeating

And all of these love songs
Not one of them sounds like you
A hundred little wrongs
And every one of them you do

I ruin every good thing I have
And then I slice the skin on my body
I don't think I want to give
All I hold is blood money

I don't want to be my creator
Cold and calculating
I want to be sweeter
And I don't want to sit here waiting

I tried to cut the chains off
But I slipped right through
My skin is no longer soft
The lines are deep though

I don't know how to keep it cool
I don't know how to shut it up
Give her a little nyquil
And she'll probably give it up

I try to tell them I'm not her
'Too bad, too late'
They always seem to concur.
I think it's too soon to plan a wedding date

I'm losing both halves of the game
I'm running out of options
I won't stay in my line
You have the worst intentions

It's not about me anymore
It's your fucking agenda
It's not about the child you bore
I don't plan to surrender

I can't seem to find my head
I'm just waiting to arrive
It's not like I want to be dead
But sometimes I don't want to be alive