Abstraction

•the possible loss of an idol•

I'm terrified of the outcome
I'm terrified of the numbing hum
Of the possible loss of an idol
Panicking so hard my brain feels idle

And I can't dare to write a single word
I feel like I'll jinx it, But that's just absurd
People all around me making it worse
Praying not to see another hearse

Hearing noises in the dark at night
My mind going through a whole fight
Folding in upon itself
Baby I'm in such bad health

And I'm terrified of the thought
That maybe you can be bought
I was always the one to console after a fight
But now you're not the one in the right

Maybe I wanna start over now
Break the repeat button and leave the show
Take a stand for a brand new start
Take a stand for an unbroken heart

I've got a million thoughts in my mind
But there's one I can't seem to find
And sadly you're one of them
that I lost in the numbing hum

Anxiety bubbling up in my heart
Of issues I've had since the start
Breaking, breaking, until I snap in two
Breaking, breaking, until I'm someone new

Heart beating so fast I think I might break
Smiles I can't help but fake
Shaking and dry heaving
But never ever believing

So yeah I'm terrified, but not of you.
I'm terrified of the things you might do
I can't believe this is how you're leaving it
I won't ever understand you're bullshit

I'll still wish you a happy birthday
Even though you ruined mine, honey
Like I didn't have enough going on
You had to make me come undone

Regretting things I knew you would
Forgetting things I know I should
And after all this how could you cry over me
Or is it over what we couldn't be?

Anxiety turned into heartbreak
Again a smile I must fake
Seeing your face in every crowd
I hope someday I'll make you proud

A heart break immortalized on a piece of paper
Scratching my heart like sandpaper
And I hope to God you read this
I poured my heart into every single reminisce

And I hope this isn't the end
Maybe someday i can be a friend
Not an enemy in this world of war
Someone you can spend time with at a bar

I'm not terrified I've seen the outcome
I'm not terrified I just feel numb
Of the loss of an idol
And now I'm just feeling suicidal