FEATURED IN HUMOR
I understand that you may think you're hilarious, but you're not. You're hurting my rating which is hurting my business. Take down your review.
___
Hello GideonToysLLC
I understand that you may have a stick up your ass. Did you eve...
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Gideon|AmazonWarrior
March 2019
**Text Alert**
I'm sorry about earlier. It's just been a long day.
Who is this?
What?
What?
Forget it.
Wait! I'm sorry.
What happened?
Gideon?
^^Outgoing call to Gideonthegrump^^ ^^Outgoing call to Gideonthegrump^^
"What do you want?"
"Gideon, I'm sorry about messing with you."
"I guess I should have expected it. When have you ever been serious?"
"Woah..."
"Ugh.. I'm sorry."
"No need to apologize. Just give a girl a warning. Or at least-"
"I'm sorry."
"You keep saying that."
"..."
"So, what happened today?"
"I don't want to get in it with you."
"I... I know that I haven't been exactly... easy to talk to, but I can be serious when I want to be. I'm an awesome shoulder to cry on too. You should just see these bad boys-"
"You were doing great for about fifteen seconds."
"Haha... Sorry."
"It's not you. I just have some stuff I have to work through."
"If it counts for anything, it's okay to not have everything figured out."
"You say that like you're used to not having stuff figured out."
"Well, I'm a twenty-seven-year old single mother who just moved to a new town. I don't know anyone... And the guys at work are just awful."
"Yeah, you don't have anything figured out."
"Hey!"
"Haha... sorry."
"So tell me... What's got your big boy panties in a bunch?"
"*Sigh* Well...I just found out that a kid has been bullying my daughter on the bus. When I went to the school about it, the principal said the kid had a good family and good grades... Like, what's that got to do with anything? If you're a freaking jerk, you're a jerk! Who cares who Mommy and Daddy are."
"Oh, wow...How old is your daughter?"
"Eight."
"How does she feel about it?"
"She's been coming home crying every night this week. I swear if the kid touches her, I won't care who his parents are."
"Woah, Papa Bear. Hold up... You can't just go in, guns blazin'. You need to be strategic about this."
"What do you mean?"
"Show the kid's Dad that you mean business if he doesn't keep their little bed wetter in check."
"How would I do that? And... bed wetter?"
"I'm most almost certain this jerk-wad wets the bed. And I mean walk up to the snake with a huge smile on your face and say 'Hey, I know you may think you run things around here, but Van Helsing is in town and you better cage your animal before I do it for you.'"
"Woah, I don't know what was more terrifying: the man voice or the fact that you just legitimately sounded like you run the Italian Mob... Who are you?"
"Well it depends on who's asking."
"I am, I guess... you know. You're name. I only know you by, uh... Amazon Warrior."
"Ah, well in that case, it's Almighty Amazon Warrior to you."
**End Call**
"Hello?... Really?"
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