𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓃𝒾𝑔𝒽𝓉 𝓌𝑒 𝓂𝑒𝓉 - a #benjey story

Chapter XVI

{ POV Jorge }

"You make me go crazy", my voice was wobbly.

"I think I might fall in love with you again", Benji smirked.

God damn it, he wouldn't understand, if I tried to explain how I really feel.

I looked down at my feet and started to cry.

Instead of explaining my feelings I just asked Benji to get a hug.

"I thought you'd never ask.", was his response and pulled me close to his chest as soon as he finished talking.

I wrapped my arms around him.

Yes, I missed this feeling more than everything but I couldn't get myself to enjoy the hug and kill all my other thoughts. It felt good but I felt guilty. I knew what happened and I didn't deserve this.

I didn't deserve Benji to forgive me.

"I missed you.", I whispered, but I said it so quietly Benji wouldn't hear it.

"I missed you, too.", he answered.

I was a little bit embarrassed he heard what I said.

I let go of the hug.

"Listen, Benji... whoa, my hands are actually shaking.", I was interrupted by him grabbing my hands, then I continued, "I really like you... no, I do love you, but I can't forgive myself and I can't even trust myself. Every time you touch me I feel guilty and I don't deserve you. I am really not okay at the moment."

It didn't matter what I said this day, every time I broke out in tears.

"Join me inside? I'd love some company."

That was the only thing Benji gave me as an answer, but before I could say anything he tugged me into the house with him.

We went to his room, his hug was nice but it didn't help, I was still crying like a baby.

Benji shut the door behind us and pushed me against it.

"Ouch"

He kissed me intensely but I stopped him soon so he couldn't even get to further into the kiss.

"I thought you like me too?", Benji sounded slightly angry but mostly annoyed.

I didn't know what to say.

"I like you... Benjamin, but I think that this isn't going to work.", I stuttered.

I wanted him back so badly but I was scared that flashbacks would hit me all the time.

"Jorge, listen.

You're all I want. Life isn't going to give us opportunities like these forever. At some point, we are just going to be strangers. I don't want you to be just someone to me, I want you to be my everything, you've always been and you always will be.", Benji talked slowly.

He looked at me like there was still something in me worth looking at. I am awful.

"How am I supposed to love you enough for satisfaction when I hate myself?"

I think this hit Benji. He looked at me with big eyes, sadness in them.

"I'll show you, Jorge", he took my hands and stood close to me, "You are the only one whose love I want".

He was too nice. Way too nice. But I couldn't give in.

"I think I just found love where it wasn't supposed to.", I said brittly.

"S-so you think dating me was wrong from the beginning?", Benjamin stuttered.

"No! Oh my god, never! I am so sorry I made you think that."

As I noticed a tear falling down his face I hugged the taller boy. I never wanted to hurt him again, I am just so confused and can't deal with my feelings properly.

He put his hands around my waist and whispered: "It's okay, Jorge."

"You're enough, you do you and that's the thing I admire the most about you.", Benji continued.

I think that's exactly what I needed, he is exactly what I needed.

I never feel like I'm enough, maybe I should just stop being so hard on myself and make the best out of our relationship this time.

"I think you give me everything I need, Benjamin"

So we were standing there, holding each other.

_______________________
Is everything gonna be okay again?
Nobody knows. :)

I never thought we would end up like this.