Nature's Prudence // {McLennon}

Love Is Old

"The heart's not like a box that gets filled up; 

It expands in size the more you love," 

Paul 

My eyes were rooted to the thick, grey clock on the wall. The ticking noise was obnoxiously loud, echoing around the ghostly, quiet waiting room and lingering in my brain even after I had gotten up and left. 

I was in desperate need for a cup of coffee, and I needed Mimi. I took my jacket off and let it hang loosely from my grip, dragging it along with me as I footslogged to the nearest coffee machine. The smell of disinfectant and Clorox stung my nose, there was also a slight smell of paper and ink lingering in the atmosphere. The walls were tiled, which was highly unusual to me. I kept observing as much as I could and taking in the sights, smells, and sounds of this hospital. There was a light bulb hanging loosely from the white roof of the corridor I was strolling along, and my fist around the jacket tightened upon crossing the children's aisle and hearing the distant sound of babies wailing, the murmurs of adults whom were trying to comfort and calm them down, and sniffing the uncomfortable smell of baby powder.

I arrived at the first coffee machine that was placed casually beside a water dispenser. It was made of a metallic material, and was tinted with a light shade of black, beside it was a small coffee table that held tiny, espresso plastic cups with coffee bean patterns. 

I made my coffee, and then pressed the cup to my chest, letting my irises follow the steam that rose into the atmosphere and dampened my chin and cheeks. The dreaded door right ahead of me that once looked as small as an ant was now growing in size, up until I could see a blurry "29". The door was pestering me, daring me to wrap my shaky fingers around its silver handle and give it the slightest jerk.

I stood inches away from the door, and then brought the cup to my chapped lips and took a careful sip. The heat of the beverage scorched my tongue but I didn't flinch away, for some reason, I just kept swallowing down the temperate liquid, taking note of how bad it ached going down my, now probably sore, throat. 

After my lips and the moist plastic rim parted, I coughed out, feeling the dryness and prickling at the walls of my throat. I shook my head and threw my jacket over my shoulder, puckering my lips at the sour taste in my mouth before pushing the door open and entering the cold room as quietly as possible. John's eyes were open, I could see that clearly as I neared him, but he wasn't there. His pupils were dilated and the expression he wore was empty, eyes watery and glistening with an emotion I couldn't recognize. Mimi sat on a black, leather chair at his side, her bony fingers drawing circles on John's open palm that rested on top of her other hand. She stared at me with furrowed eyebrows and a worried countenance. 

I stood on the other side of his bed, my back facing the window. I took John's free hand, clammy due to the sweat that made itself evident in the way John's hospital gown was sticking to his body in patches. I placed a peck on John's whitened knuckles and stared up at Mimi, resting his hand back on top of his stomach. He stayed unflinching, staring upwards at the roof as though it were the most interesting thing he'd ever seen. 

"Can I please have a word with you, Mimi?" I asked gently, so as to not disturb John's corpselike state. I was trying my best to ward off my own tears when Mimi nodded and released John's hand, letting it hang off the bed, and wrapped her thin arm around my shoulder, leading me outside. 

I opened the door, but before we left the room, Mimi craned her neck backwards and pressed her lips into a thin line. "John, my dear, if you're in need of anything, just phone or ask one of the nurses to do so, and we'll be at your side immediately," She didn't expect a reply, so she just patted my shoulder, leaving the room and ambling away. I tried to catch up with her and when I was at her side, I opened my mouth to speak, but she silenced me.