The Last Love Letter

Nisha writes her final letter to Akash

My dearest Akash,

By the time you read this letter, I will be gone. Remember when you wrote your first love letter to me? You said that letters have permanence. I want us to be permanent, even though I want you to forget me.

I’m writing this letter in full command of my senses. I want you to know that. The disease is killing me slowly, but it has yet to reach my brain. I know that, soon, I’ll be in a lot of pain, and I also know that you will be there by my side through it all, with our beautiful creation, our daughter, Sara. I can’t promise not to cry out in pain and subject you to sleepless nights as you run between our home, your office and this hospital, but I’ll fight as best I can. Like a candle in a storm, I’ll burn my brightest, thinking about you, about us, and about Sara.

I’ve led a happy life, Akash. Back in college, when I met you for the first time, I knew you were the one for me. Your eyes spoke to me even before you did. But we didn’t get off to a great start, did we? We argued over silly things related to the college festival, and I thought to myself, this man is so different in his head, his heart and his eyes, all at the same time. The next day, when you walked towards me in the canteen—I’m reliving that moment as I write this, and it’s giving me goosebumps—I knew what you would say. You said you wanted to discuss it once more. And when we did, we agreed on everything, a few issues my way and a few yours. I felt comfortable with you from that moment on. In many ways, you completed me. I found calmness. We met numerous times after that. One day, I wrote this in my dairy: You can’t keep falling in love with the same person over and over again unless his smile and respect for you are real.

I love your smile. But more than that, I fell in love with you because you respected me. Did you know that from that day in the canteen till this very moment, I never stopped telling myself how lucky I am? You, Akash, are the best thing that could have happened to me. And now we have our Sara.

The pain is back, and since I know that you are expected in the hospital at any moment and I don’t want you to see this letter yet, I must hurry up. I’ve asked my nurse, Angel, to give this letter to you after I’m gone. She will visit our home and hand this to you one month after I’m dead and cremated. Gosh, I feel so frightened even thinking about death. But all of us have to go sometime, I know, so it’s okay. Please give one pair of my gold bangles to Angel. She likes gold, and I’ve realized that she has a heart of gold too.

You’re only thirty, Akash. Please, before you read further, close your eyes and promise that you will agree with what I’m about to say.

Come on, close your eyes now.

Sooner or later, someone will get close to you again. Please allow it to happen. Don’t ruin your life thinking about me. When you find someone, I want you to fall in love again. Think of that woman as me, and you can be happy again. I want you to be happy, I want Sara to have a family, and I want to be forgotten. I want you to merge us with your new life and start again.

Those who are lucky to be in love live a thousand years because in each moment, they live a thousand moments. I’ve lived a thousand years with you, Akash. Thank you for being such a wonderful lover, a great father and an amazing friend. I hope to meet you again, somewhere among the stars. I know our eyes will find one another, no matter how large the galaxy might be.

Don’t curse the disease, don’t let thoughts of me make you unhappy; instead, think of all the beautiful moments we have shared.

Give my love to Ma and tell her that I love her very much.
With all my love for you and Sara,

Your lucky wife,

Nisha

*
Akash rubbed his eyes and turned to look at Sara. It had been one year since Nisha left the two of them alone. He wiped away the tears and smiled at the picture of Nisha that stared back at him from the wall above the bed.

‘I miss you, Nisha.’

It was almost midnight, and the day at his office had drained him completely. But like every day, he could not sleep without reading Nisha’s letter. It had become a ritual. He wanted his last thought before sleep to be of Nisha. He caressed Sara’s hair and stared in amazement when she smiled in her sleep. Sara had Nisha’s eyes and hair, and many times when he met her eyes while saying something, he wondered if it was Nisha looking at him through their daughter’s eyes.

The nurse, Angel, had visited one morning a month after his world had been devastated. He was all alone in his first-floor apartment in Greater Kailash in New Delhi. Sara was away at her grandmother’s house in neighbouring Gurgaon. He didn’t recognize Angel instantly, but when she introduced herself, he remembered her from the hospital.

‘Sir, Nisha Madam left this letter for you.’ She extended a folded piece of paper towards him.

He plucked it out of her hands, started to say something but failed, and finally sat on the sofa to read it. Yes, it was her. He recognized the handwriting in a flash. He looked up. ‘When did she write this?’

‘Sir, on 3 January, one week before she passed away. That morning, she was feeling a lot better, and both of us knew that it was only a matter of time before…’

‘I know. Please, can I read this alone?’

Angel nodded and left as Akash started to read. He read the letter several dozen times that day, and when night fell, he continued to reread it until pain and exhaustion sent him to sleep, the letter still caught between his fingers.

After two days, he visited the hospital and presented the bangles to Angel. He’d had them gift-wrapped, with a label that read, ‘For dear Angel, from Nisha.’

‘Sorry, sir, I can’t take this.’

Akash showed her the letter, and after some persuasion, she agreed to keep them.

‘You know, sir, your wife was the kindest person I’ve ever met. Good people always die young. I’m so sorry.'