The Last Love Letter

Chapter 48

Akash had lied to Subah. He had woken up at 4 that morning, sweating, feeling guiltier than before. The effects of the alcohol had dissipated, and he couldn’t bear the thought of what had happened between him and Subah. He was still in the same room where he had kissed another woman and cheated on Nisha. The room began to suffocate him.

Wondering what he should do next, Akash took a cold shower. The water stung his skin, but he didn’t shiver, just kept his head down, watching the water run down the drain. Ten minutes later, when he stood before the mirror, he knew what to do.

He packed quickly and called a cab. On the way, he checked the flight status and booked the earliest flight to Delhi. He wanted to return home, to the world of Sara and his mother, closer to memories of Nisha.

When the flight took off at 7, the city of Mumbai was just waking up. He stretched his neck to look out the window and thought about the note he’d left for Subah with the receptionist. How would she react? That was none of his business. His business with her was almost over, and now all he needed to do was monitor her exhibition. He had already over delivered, so there should be no guilt. The memory of the kiss still bothered him, but he knew that if he kept his distance from her in the future, it would fade too.
He got home at 10, and Sara was still at school.

‘How was your trip, beta?’

‘It was nice, Ma.’ He removed his shoulder bag and sat down on the sofa. He knew what would come next and began to think of the best ways to distract her. ‘Ma, is there any breakfast left?’

‘I’ll make some fresh for you. What would you like?’

‘Anything.’ He took out his laptop from his bag and switched it on to indicate to his mother that she should leave him alone.

‘How about aloo parathas? And tea?’

‘Great,’ he said without looking up.

As soon as his mom had left for the kitchen, he breathed easier. His phone buzzed. It was a text from Subah. Thanks for all you’ve done, Akash. Best wishes, Subah.

He almost cried in relief. She had taken the cue and was as formal in her text as he had been in his letter. That was nice. He decided not to answer it.

Later, as he sat at the dining table, eating, his mother in the opposite chair, he knew there would be no escape now.

‘How is Subah?’

‘Oh, Subah’s fine. Her exhibition is doing great.’

‘How can she be fine? I read about what had happened in the newspaper. I don’t think she can be normal for a long time. Who is there taking care of her?’

‘Ma, I don’t know. To me, she appeared to be fine.’

‘Son, look here. What are you hiding from me?’

‘Hiding? What’s there to hide, Ma?’

‘Then why are you not looking at me? Why has your voice changed? Look at your hands. Why are you trembling?’

Akash pushed his chair back and walked away. The way his mother put it filled him with guilt again. He could speak any number of lies to his mother now or to Subah in the letter, but in his heart, he knew that he had chosen to leave her alone in Mumbai. In short, he had abandoned her.

What was her fault? Nothing.
What was his fault? Everything.

Akash put his hands to his temples and pressed hard. Then, slowly, he looked up at the picture of Nisha.

‘I’m sorry, Nisha.’