Lavender Monarch has Exactly Thirteen Fears

06. glow in the dark stars

They must be hellbent on embarrassing me because my dad is wearing some shirt with trout printed all over it and my mum has an apron reading, 'world's best cook' even though the entire house smells like smoke from her burning everything she put in the oven for dinner.

They both stand behind me proudly as I open the door and I can't help but cringe. Patty has a momentary look of surprise pass over his face when he sees them. I probably should have given him a warning in hindsight.

"Ah, Mr and Mrs Sommers!" He holds out his hand, "Nice to meet you. I'm Patty." My mother shakes it. He looks terrified and I almost want to laugh.

"Rachel. What a polite boy you are! You must come by for dinner sometime so we can have a proper chat." He will never come over for dinner, at least not if she is cooking. "I've got to get tea out the oven but you too have a great night!" She obviously hasn't realised yet that it's all just burnt to a crisp. I'm just glad she's leaving and she didn't completely embarrass me although her 'polite boy' comment was not the best choice of words.

"Patty," my dad booms in a stern voice, "you better take care of my daughter." My dad is the least intimidating person in the world. All laughs and jokes any time you see him so why is he trying to be all tough now? I don't think anyone could take him seriously in that shirt but Patty is shaking like a leaf.

"I will sir," he says nodding.

"Good. Be home by ten." He starts to close the door, winking at me before it completely shuts. I hear him start laughing on the other side and Patty looks at me with an expression of bewilderment.

"I'm so sorry." I try to say but I start giggling, "Trust me, my parents are not usually like that."

"Your dad seemed really serious though," he says. He is as white as an overexposed polaroid.

"He was just trying to be tough or something but he wouldn't hurt a fly."

"If you say so," he says as we get into the car.

"Don't worry, they'll love you eventually. You just might end up with a broken nose first."

"What?" He says, stopping the car mid reverse with a horrified look.

"Joking!" I cry and he sighs.

I am going to kill my parents when I get home for all their theatrics. I'm never going to tell them about the boy I'm hanging out with ever again.

"Where are you taking me?" I ask as we start to drive. My voice has a hint of nervousness that I try to hide.

"Somewhere beautiful," he says dreamily. He winds down the windows and I stick my hand out in the wind, feeling the icy chill sneak up my arm.

Its dusk and the sky is the colour of lavender and apricot with wispy clouds scattered as faintly as the breath of angels.

He eventually pulls over at the side of the road, we can see the ocean and the sky has erupted with stars. He pulls a picnic blanket out the back of his car and we lie on the hood our eyes stretched up to the heavens. I squeeze my eyes shut, I don't know if he's doing this on purpose or not. Number four on my list, aliens. Every time I look up at stars it makes me think about them and it freaks me out. 

It all started when I was seven years old. I was staying at my crazy Aunt Aida's house, the one who wears blue eyeshadow and magenta lipstick. She started telling me stories about crop circles and aliens abducting her and using her for experiments. 

As a child, it terrified me. I remember not being able to sleep for weeks after that because I knew that if I did I would be abducted. Now that I'm older, I know she was probably making half that stuff up. I know it shouldn't scare me but it does. 

I can't help but wonder if the aliens are already here without us knowing it. Maybe they are about to blow our whole planet up with a jet-boosted asteroid. Maybe they put us in a simulation? Maybe I am an alien without even knowing? 

I talked to my mum about it and she told me I had an overactive imagination, but these are very real questions and I don't know why more people aren't asking them. I try to push the thoughts aside but I don't open my eyes. The stars are too confronting. 

"So is this the spot you take every girl to make them fall in love with you?" I murmur, trying to distract myself. My mind won't stop racing. I reach up for the comforting feel of the pendant around my neck. 

"No. Just you," he whispers.

"I'm sure you say that to all of them too."

"I really don't!" he says with a hint of frustration, "I've only had one girlfriend, honestly. I'm not messing around." I feel a little bad, maybe I'm being too harsh?

We sit in silence for a few minutes and I try to slowly open my eyes. I realise Patty is staring at me. 

"What are you doing?" he asks quietly. 

"Stars. Aliens. I'm afraid of aliens," my voice is shaky. He immediatly sits up. 

"I'm sorry, I didn't know this would be a trigger for you." Trigger? It strikes me as weird that he uses that phrase. It makes it sound like I have anxiety or something. 

"Uh, no. I mean, I am trying to overcome them," I let out a breath and it billows out in a frosty cloud. 

"I have an idea," he whispers and takes my hand. It's comforting but the notion puts me on edge. I try to ignore the warmth rising in my cheeks. "Imagine the sky is just a big black paper. All the stars are just those plastic little two-dollar ones that you can get from the store. The glow in the dark ones. So really they aren't far away at all and if you stood up you'd be able to almost touch them." 

It's a nice thought but it doesn't help much. "And then," he continues, "there isn't a chance for aliens or anything of the sort because it's just your bedroom and guess what? There isn't any food in your bedroom so they'd have to sneak into the kitchen to get some. And you haven't seen any aliens raiding fairy floss from your pantry have you?" I shake my head, a small smile slipping onto my face. "Exactly!" he cries in delight. 

His logic makes absolutely no sense but somehow the image of a hungry little alien rummaging for fairyfloss in my pantry doesn't seem so scary and it starts to take some of the fear away. I open my eyes and look up at the stars in wonderment. 

I didn't realise how much I'd been missing out on by ignoring them. It's beautiful. I sigh and snuggle into Patty almost subconsciously. His presence is comforting and he makes me feel safe. I bet if there was an evil alien he could kill it with a katana in a heartbeat. I smile at the thought. 

"Do you believe in soulmates?" I hear Patty ask in a whisper beside me interrupting my thoughts. 

"No," I say. "I think soulmates were created for lonely people who think they'll never be in love." It strikes me then. I was so afraid of the stars but the moment I gave them a chance I realised how beautiful they were. Could I be doing the same thing with love? Brushing it off out of fear when I'm really holding myself back from something amazing? I abandon the thought, it's too confronting to think about. 

"I believe in them," he says, "But I think your soulmate changes as you live. Whoever is perfect for you right now might not even be a part of your life in a year." I hope he doesn't think I'm perfect for him now. His voice is husky in the gloom of the night. I turn my head, and I imagine him smiling in the dark.

The stars seem brighter for a moment but then I realise it's just a trick of the light.

"Let's go, Lavender. Before we catch our death," he says.