Acting (Camren)

27.

The actress immediately wants to defend herself, but the words don't come to her. This might actually be the first time in her life that she doesn't have anything to say. Unfortunately, this urges Hailee on to fill in the silence.

"Fun fact: I kind of thought my ex girlfriend was a huge bitch at first."

"What? Me?" Camila is genuinely shocked. No one has ever told her this before.

Hailee nods in reply. "Absolutely, this big stuck up Hollywood bitch," she laughs. "You aren't, by the way! I just mean, feelings change when you actually get to know someone."

That actually makes a little bit of sense, maybe. Does she love Lauren? Could that be a thing? Even hearing Lauren and the word love in the same sentence doesn't sound right.

"You might have a point," Camila slightly agrees.

"That you're a stuck up Hollywood bitch? Oh, absolutely," the other girl laughs, making Camila laugh with her. "So, what do you mean? You fucked up?"

Camila sighs, but then explains the entire situation to Hailee, who just listens and nods at the right times: something Camila had always appreciated about Hailee.

"Yeah, that's not good," she finally agrees at the end of Camila's explanation, who sighs again. "I'm absolutely not saying what you did was okay, but to me it sounds like you freaked out because the girl you like, love, whatever, said a lot of mean things to you and that in combination with the fact that you absolutely don't understand your feelings made you snap at her."

"You a psychologist now?"

"Some of us go to college," Hailee quips back easily, making Camila laugh.

"Some of the things you said maybe kind of make a little bit of sense," the actress decides.

"I know."

"Okay, calm down with the sass there, Steinfeld."

Hailee completely ignores the comment. "So, how about you get of your ass and go get your girl?"

"She's not-,"

"Not with this attitude," Hailee immediately interrupts. "Go!" She says as she points at a random direction.

"Lauren's house is that way," Camila replies dryly as she points in the complete opposite direction.

Hailee changes the direction of her finger. "Go!"

"Okay, jeez. I'm not a dog," Camila laughs, hugging Hailee. "Thank you, you're amazing."

"No problem, Mila. Good luck!" She replies as she hugs her back.

Back on her way to Lauren, Camila starts thinking again. She thinks about Hailee and everything she said. What maybe struck Camila most was how easy it was to talk to her ex. She dumped Hailee, even though she is basically perfect. Was that because she already liked Lauren somewhere in her subconcious?

All of a sudden she didn't get anymore time to think any of it through, because she was right in front of Lauren's appartment. She could still go home. No, not happening. Lauren needs to know how sorry she is. Before she gets a chance to think, she knocks.

She waits.

And waits.

The door opens and even though Camila knows she should have expected Lauren to open the door, she didn't.

"I don't want to talk to you, in case all of the blocked accounts didn't clarify that for you," Lauren says as she's already closing the door.

"Wait! I'm sorry!" Camila nearly shouts.

"I know," Lauren simply replies as she closes the door.

"Lauren, please wait! I want to explain!" Camila yells at a closed door, close to tears for the sixtieth time that day. "Okay, okay. Just, leave the door closed. That's fine. I wouldn't want to look at me either. Just please, let me talk. I don't know if you can hear me, but I'll just talk, like always," she chuckles awkwardly, knowing Lauren hates it when she talks to much. She still doesn't get a reply.

Even though she has no clue whether Lauren is listening to her or not, she starts talking. She isn't too sure if this is for Lauren or for herself. "First of all, I need you to know that Mario told me about your mom. Well, he didn't. He just said something along the lines of you having a hard time because of your mom, so I know next to nothing! I also wanted you to know that so that you don't think anyone betrayed your trust, they didn't. That was just me," she chuckles awkwardly again.

"I am so sorry, Lauren. I don't know what happened with you and your mom and I had absolutely no right to bring it up. I would like to say it was because I was so into character I couldn't help myself, but that would be lying. I said it because I was hurt. That isn't an excuse, I know that, but that is the reason."

She starts crying again, even though she knows she isn't the one that should be crying. "Okay, so if you're still listening. I kind of maybe hope you're not, but I think I was so hurt because I.. like, like you?" She takes a deep breath.

"As in, like, a lot. So, uhh.., yeah. Hearing you break up with me kind of hurt, even though we were never together and even though we fucking planned it, it broke my heart. I didn't understand why and I acted on impulse. A very stupid one."

"So, yeah. Awkward.." she chuckles through her tears. "Once again, I'm so sorry. I'm not asking for you to like me back or something, I know that's fully out of the question here, but I just needed you to know why I fucked up and how sorry I am."

She decides to leave it at that. She has said everything that she was supposed to say. She waits for a couple of seconds for the door to open, but then she decides to walk back home. At least feeling a little bit better than this morning, now that she has confessed her feelings to herself. Lauren probably hasn't heard any of it anyway.

A couple of hours later, Camila is lying in bed scrolling through Instagram, she might be looking at fan edits of herself and Lauren, don't judge, when she suddenly receives a text.

Lauren [18:13]: you like me?