Suicide Attempts

Chapter 34

Third Person's POV

sitting on her desk all alone in her room when the others are celebrating Christmas with their family and friends. she's alone at home looking through all the photos her future self sends. she couldn't help but smile looking at a particular photo of both her and minju together with their son.

she felt happy knowing she's married to the love of her life. but some part in her heart feels guilty. she feels like she's betraying her friend, chaewon knowing well enough how they feel towards each other. it's unbreakable. they're inseparable. she sighs once again, couldn't remember how many times she has done that today.

resting her chin on top of her palm thinking what she should do today. it's kind of boring to spend the night alone. if only she had company though. she can sleep through the night and wake up the next morning to kill the boredness, but she isn't much of a sleeper though.

Minju's POV

December 25th

today is the day. the day chaewon and I planned to go out together. chaewon's grandma suddenly got sick, so chaewon and I ended up not getting to see each other. she had to bring her grandma to the hospital.

chaewon and I fought and I never got a chance to apologise to her. she passed away before I could.

"MINJU! EUNBI!" yena shouts while running towards us from the distance with open arms with yuri tailing behind her, hands inside her pocket.

"where's chaewon?" I ask praying that she'll come in my head. "she said she'll be late," yuri replies showing off their texts with each other.

"what about yujin?" I ask once more to them. "she said she couldn't come with us. we should call her later," surprisingly it was eunbi who answered my question. "minju, did you letter say anything about today?" eunbi asks.

"Yeah. it looks like chaewon and I got into a fight. it happened because I said something that hurt her."

chaewon muttered, "if something happened to grandma, I'd be alone." at that time, I didn't understand what she meant. I said, "you won't be alone." I told her, "for now, let's forget about our troubles and have a good time."

"if anything happens, we'll be here okay? talk to us anytime," eunbi pats my head. "yeah. as long as I'm careful, I think it'll be okay."

"even if you did fight with each other, you can always apologise and make up. as they say, fighting just means you're close," yena gives an important advise I should know.

no one knows how or why yena and yuri starts to bicker. they just do you know. but at the same time they look the cutest together like a married couple. all I heard is that they keep saying 'we're not close' and 'why are we fighting.'

just the right moment, stopping the yulyen couple from yelling at each other any further, an angelic soft voice saying "sorry I'm late" can be heard making everyone to stop at look at her way.

as a group, we decided to buy those fortune cookies from a store there. "I got 'slightly good luck'," I told them. "what does yours say, chae?" yuri asks her after opening her cookie that says 'slightly good luck' on them. "I got 'slightly good luck' too," chaewon answers her question.

"minju, chae.... can you two get us a warm drinks from the vending machine? it's very cold right now," eunbi shivers even after wearing a really thick clothes to cover up her body.

"sure. let's go, minmin," chaewon rests her arm around my neck pulling me closer to her, hoping that I wont get lost in the crowds.

the vending machines are quite far from the shrine and the environment is very quiet. we had to walk to the end just to buy drinks. but while we are at it, chaewon suddenly broke the silence.

"minmin... sorry for suddenly bailing on you that day when we had promised to hang out," she apologised with all of her heart. "it's okay. don't worry about it. I'm not mad."

"I've been looking forward to it, every day," I can hear her sigh in disappointment. I didn't know that she'll be super sad about it though. I thought she'll just shrug and move on. "then... let's hang out next year... let's be together by then."

"as long as my grandma doesn't get sick again," she chuckles but there's a hint of sadness to it. I think she's trying to cover the fact that she's worried about both her grandma's health and not being able to go out with me.

why won't you promise me, chae? why won't you promise me that we'll be together even after 10 years later? did you plan everything out and figure that you won't be in this world next year?

"is your grandma okay now?" I ask worriedly. "yeah. at first, she just had a cold, but it suddenly turns worst as time goes by. I had to bring her to the hospital on that day. if something had happened to grandma, I'd be alone."

in the letter, my future self said she met her grandma, so she'll still be here in 10 years. "your grandma will be fine," trying to convince her that she doesn't have to worry about her grandma so much.

"that's what I thought too about my mom. I thought things would be fine with my mom too. I had no idea she was going to pass away. I still wish I'd been by her side. minmin... do you mind if I went home early tonight? I'm worried about my grandma, I want to be with her tonight."

I'm scared to leave chaewon alone right now. "if possible, can you stay a little longer? your grandma will be alright. she's not going anywhere," I thought I said the right thing, but I guess I'm not just by the look at how dark and gloomy chaewon's face starts to get. fuck. did I trigger her?

"How can you be so sure? IT WAS THE SAME ON THE DAY OF THE OPENING CEREMONY! HOW CAN YOU SAY IT'LL BE ALRIGHT?! YOU HAVE NO WAY TO KNOW! CAN SOMEONE JUST DECIDE THAT EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE?! I DIDN'T KNOW HOW MUCH SHE WAS SUFFERING! SHE WAS HURTING SO MUCH, SHE CHOSE DEATH, AND I THOUGHT SHE WAS FINE?! I WAS THE ONE WHO LEFT MOM ALL ALONE! I KILLED HER! I-I'm sorry," she unintentionally shouts at me but when she realises the tone she was using, she began to apologise for scaring me off.

not wanting to see my reaction right now, she starts to run towards God know where she's heading off to. I was about to chase her, but with her speed, I'll never match her pace. why does she have to be super fast? why do I have to be bad at running?

tears start to build up before it flows down to my face. I feel guilty. I wish I didn't said that. I wish today didn't happen. if only I think before saying it out loud knowing how sensitive she is just by hearing people talk about her mom or grandma.

"minju... go after her. look for her. don't worry, she doesn't hate you. even if she does, it'll be okay. if that ever happens, I'll grab chaewon and haul her to you like i did last time. I'll watch over you two so that you don't drift apart. so minju, find her and talk things out. go now," yujin suddenly came out of nowhere like a ghost.