Suicide Attempts

Chapter 10

Before the fourth period, chaewon says she forgot her pencil case, so I lend him a pencil and an eraser.

According to the letter... in this next class...

"Oh, I forgot my pencil case," chaewon said sounding panicky. "here you go. you can use mine. I have two." I hand her a mechanical pencil and an eraser with it. "wow, minmin. you're a lifesaver you know that?!"

I wonder if chaewon is really going to date her. Honestly, I don't want her to go out with her. call me selfish if you want but hyewon sunbae is known to be a playgirl in this school. she likes to date someone who is pretty and then dumps them as if they're like a toy to her.

but... maybe it's unfair of me to feel that way. what should I do? "thanks for this." she hands me back my writing utensils. "oh, you're welcome."

when you get the pencil and eraser back from chaewon, I want you to take off the eraser cover. The message you'll find there is the one I didn't notice that day. If I had noticed it, the future might have turned out different.

Tell her how you really feel about her. be honest with your feelings.

"MINJU! Help me out here!" "Oh, okay." I stand from my seat to help eunbi out. as soon as I finish helping eunbi out, I ran towards my desk to read the message from chaewon.

here's what it said:

do you think it's okay if I go out with hyewon sunbae?

I gasped at the message. I took out a piece of a letter as a reply. I have a chance, right? chaewon is still here, right? Running towards chaewon's locker after writing my answer results to bump a lot of people. had to say sorry numerous times.

it's okay! I can change the future! Successfully putting it into her locker hoping she could read it. so I went to class just to see my friends looking outside the window. I wonder what's going on?

"what are you guys doing?" I ask as curiosity gets the best of me. "oh, minju. perfect timing. chaewon is going to say her answer to hyewon sunbae's confession right now."

Just when I actually thought I had a chance. I guess I'm too late after all. chaewon didn't see my reply. if only I reply to it sooner then this wouldn't have happened. it's all my fault.

hyewon sunbae is running towards her classroom with a smile on her face. I sigh in disappointment. she must have accepted her confession. I'm too late. soon enough chaewon confirm us saying she and hyewon sunbae already started dating.

I feel like crying right now. but I have to be strong. one by one starts to congratulate her achievement. even I too, say congratulation to her even though deep inside I'm breaking.

I silently walk away from class couldn't handle the pain anymore. I don't want to break down in front of others. I don't want to be called a cry baby.

"you like chaewon, don't you?" yujin ask me with a worried tone. am I too obvious though? couldn't have the courage to answer her question, my tears that have built up starts to flow. I run away. away from everyone. away from chaewon. I just want to hide from everyone.

I'm sorry, future me. I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I couldn't erase one of your regrets.

"minju, you're back? dinner is ready!" my mom welcomes me. "I'm not hungry." I straight away walk towards my room and lock myself up in there.

today for some reason, I was overwhelmed with emotions. mostly heartbreak. I couldn't eat. the whole night I just cry my eyes out. I'm a fool for falling for someone, I couldn't have.

in the end, I drank the strawberry milk that chaewon got for me. it tasted sweet and creamy. it's the opposite of the emotions I'm having right now.

*27 years old*

"should we read chaewon's letter? will she get mad if I do?" yujin ask worriedly. "if we don't, who else will?" yena stating facts for once. all this time she only talks nonsense.

"go on, read it. for chaewon," eunbi suggest to read the letter which is held by yujin. "all right. I'll read it."

here's what inside chaewon's letter:

Dear everyone 10 years in the future, how are you all doing?

To yujin, you're tall and great at soccer. I admire you. when u started at the new school, I was worried I wouldn't fit in. you were the first person to talk to me and I was thrilled. I wish I had joined the soccer club.

to yena, you're always cheerful and full of energy. whenever I felt down, I look at you made me think my troubles were silly, and I'd cheer up.

to yuri, during the free period, you taught me the rules of comedy. I didn't really understand. but you always made me laugh. it was a lot of fun.

to eunbi, you have a manly personality and can be scary when you get mad, but its always on behalf of minju or yena. one time, you got seriously angry defending minju, I thought you were super cool. you always treat us like we are your actual child. you act like a mom to us and can be a caring and loving person too.

to minju, you're modest, and you always put others ahead of yourself. when everyone else is happy, you seem happy too. when you, yena and eunbi made cookies in cooking class, yours tasted the best. I wish I'd chance to try your home cooking.

I hope 10 years from now, you're all still good friends who laugh together.

"that's all? what'd she write about herself?" yena ask yujin. "nothing," showing the paper for proof. "why? we said to write to our future selves. why didn't she?" yujin shrugged when yena ask why.

"did chaewon know she'd have no future? dont tell me... she decided that for herself?" yuri blurred out with sadness.

"no way. so it wasn't an accident?" yujin was on the verge of crying. "no one knows what the future will hold. even the future chaewon had in mind for us didn't come true. we're not close like we used to be, and nobody is laughing."

we could've saved her. if only we had only watched her more closely. if I could redo the past, I would run to chaewon without hesitation. I swear I'll save her next time.