Suicide Attempts

Chapter 19

April 15th

The last day of Enozi Festival. today, yujin trade posts with me so I can be with chaewon.

"can I ask you questions just to pass the time?" chaewon who is sweating due to the intense climate asks. "what is it?" "between yujin, yuri and me, if one of us were to ask you out, who would you most want it to be?"

"so impromptu?!" that's one random yet serious question to answer. I need to think thoroughly as I don't wanna hurt anyone's feeling.

yujin is like my younger sister so I wouldn't want to ask her out. yuri already has yena to go out with. obviously, it would be chaewon as my final answer. who wouldn't want their crush to ask you out, right?

"Just tell me. don't worry about hurting my feelings." "ok. how about you, chaewon?" yena teasingly asks as she put a freezing mineral water bottle to chaewon's cheek. "yikes," chaewon flinch.

"if you had to ask one out of three of us out, who would it be?" yena wriggle her eyebrow. "I'm not saying." "Does that answer to your question, chae?" yena pinch chaewon's fluffy cheek. "I guess that's fair."

I wanted to hear her answer. who would she ask out?

Chaewon's POV

"You should've said it. 'I'd want to ask you out.'" yujin state while fanning herself. "even if I'm not in love with her?" I look at yujin with a serious face. she froze as she stops fanning herself.

"aren't you in love with her?" "is it okay if I fall in love with her?" asking approval. "why not?" she nonchalantly walk and stand in front of me. "I don't want to regret it." "what do you mean regret?" she asked in curiosity.

"I've made a lot of wrong decisions and regretted them. like wanting to go out with sunbae cause a lot of problems for minju. I'm afraid I might hurt someone so I would rather not choose at all," I look at the ground with stigma.

"but then you'll never be able to change anything and nothing will change," placing her palm on my left shoulder in comfort.

"Nothing has to change," tears start to form in my eyes but I try not to release it. I don't want anyone to observe me crying. especially not to yujin.

"Are you okay, chae?" I nodded while biting my lips hard forcing myself not to cry.

"just do what you want to do. just cry when u wanna cry. no one is going to stop you from doing it. don't smile when you don't want to smile. no one is forcing you. don't feel bad when you don't know why. it's not your fault. don't do stuff without having a reason.

as action can lead to regrets and guilt. don't try to be someone else. don't think that if you finally became her you will be happy. no one is perfect in the first place. your imperfections are what makes you, you. don't be scared to get lost and not knowing anything.

it can happen sometimes. find yourself and accept who you are right now. someone out there is willing to show you the way and go through the rough paths with you without expecting any favours.

And that someone is no other than Kim Minju," she hugs me tightly as I cry on her shoulder letting everything out.

she's right. I should do whatever I want to do as you only live once. you can't turn back time and hope that you can change everything all over again. I should do whatever my heart tells me to do.

I should accept myself. I should accept that I'm in love with minju. that's right. I love her. I love her very much. I shouldn't have been afraid to fall for her. she did nothing but to treat me right. and with that, I declare that I, Kim chaewon, is madly in love with an angel called Kim Minju.