The Lonely God

49.

*Song above: Damien Rice - Cheers darlin'

-HIM-

Her place beside me remains empty as I sit in the courtroom and take my ministers' inputs. She is not here but her memories keep playing in my head. The place beside me feels cold, just like the bed without her last night. It's dark without her. No moon, no sun, no stars, no her. It's darker than before she came.

There is this underlying anger inside me and Rey is constantly pacing too. I am angry. I am angry on myself for the things I said to her last night. I am caught in this storm of raw emotions that she raged inside me.

It pains me more than her. Heck, I don't need her anymore and I am sure she doesn't want to do anything with me after what she saw at the well. My past is drenched in blood and hidden away in darkness but she had the nerve to see everything and find out what I am made of.

I am made of greed, bloodlust and loath. I am made of all the sings that a man could commit. Love isn't something that I feel for others. I love only myself but Nefret, she... she somehow found a warm place in my heart which I never knew existed. I hate her sometimes because she proves me wrong. Sometimes she made me feel better and that's the worst thing she did. She taught me to knit dreams with me and her in them and now she is hell-bent on taking them all away.

She bought light in my life and now she is about to take it away but I am not going to let that happen. It's all because of that mating bond! It's polluting my feelings and emotions. It's interfering with the ability to function properly. I hate it. I wonder if I'd still care if the bond wasn't there.

Judging by the person I am, I know I wouldn't have cared for her. I was cold towards her before I discovered that she is mate. I didn't care for her then but I couldn't think of going back to act that way with her after what we've shared. It pains both me and Rey to think of us separating but at the same time, I am afraid that the feelings that I have for her are just because of the mating bond. I am not capable of loving anyone.

If the bond is broken anyhow then we'd be nothing more than two strangers who know each other's secrets but I won't let her get away with it so easily. I thought I couldn't want anything so badly until I got her. She came in my life with nothing and now, she is about to go away with everything. But I am not a good man. I've always got what I want and this time it won't be anything different.

"Your highness, they tried to get in through the northern borders last night again," This has my attention instantly as I remember that Nefret hasn't returned to the palace yet.

"Kill anyone you see around the border," My voice resonates in the room, hiding my fears regarding her.

Where will you go, Nefret?

~

-HER-

I take a final look at myself in the mirror as I tuck the dagger that I was given in the coronation ceremony in the waist band of my dress. Oculus Reaper is securely wrapped around my wrist and I feel Vesta pacing inside me by thinking of what's about to happen.

I am back in the palace, in his room, gearing up for the decision I've taken. This place smells of him and it reminds me of him and I hate this. I am holding back my tears as my eyes fall on the bed that we used to share. The moments we had here... it was all because of the mating bond. Nothing was true. We were acting like that because we were functioned to act like that. It was not us but Ishtar pulling our strings in the name of mate bond.

It saddens me, it makes me mad. It pains me like nothing. I contain myself from breaking down here. I cannot afford to do that now. I have made a very important decision and I have to act as soon as possible before he finds out.