The Lonely God

39.

-HER-

What did I do?

What did I get myself into? I wasn't supposed to do it. I swore to him that I'll never be his queen yet I wore the crown myself. I swore to be the queen of Zaeris, his companion in ruling this huge kingdom. What was I thinking? Why didn't I stop myself? What took over me?

My act has proven to Arles that I can be easily scared. He'll use me again in the future. He'll threaten me to get things done in his way. My act has proven to him that I am weak and I don't have the power to stand up for myself.

He forced it upon me and I am easily accepting it- which I shouldn't be doing. I should be revolting against him, finding ways to destroy him but Vesta won't let me do it. We have different thoughts and feeling being the queen.

I am not ready. It feels like a shard of broken glass is being forced down my throat. On the other hand, Vesta is happy and satisfied to have claimed the throne. She always wanted power. She always wanted to be powerful. Her dreams are coming true while my reality is turning into my worst nightmare.

After the incident in the coronation ceremony, Ishtar and all the guests left. They were astonished by me and so was I but it wasn't me who was on the surface then. It was Vesta. She had the full control and she did as she pleased and now, I'd have to pay the price.

I watch the land covered with snow before me. I am back in Arles' room, trying to tell with my internal turmoil which continues to hollow me day by day. There's this despair and frustration inside me. I want to take it out in any form possible. I am suppressing this part of me deeper and deeper each day. It's suffocating me.

I hear the door open and close faintly behind me. I feel his presence in the room. The way the air buzzes with electricity and the way this tension builds around me. We haven't talked once after the ceremony. He's probably here to laugh at me, to remind me again how he could bend me as he wishes.

He stands just behind me as his eyes linger on me. His hot breath fans my neck and goosebumps erupt all over my skin. I close my eyes and swallow the lump building in my throat. I open my eyes and see his faint reflection in the glass of the window.

"Is it true..." I trail off as I fight to keep my voice steady, "did you really kill your family for the throne?" I voice my question. He sighs heavily behind me before his deep voice rumbles close to my ear, "Would it make you hate me more if I answer yes?"

His question hangs in the air as his words sink in my mind. Ishtar was speaking the truth then? Did he really kill his family? Am I really paired with this heartless monster?

I take a deep breath and turn around to look at him. I stood up for this man. I defended him when Ishtar was accusing him of the gravest of sins. I look him in the eye and search for the answer. He's looking down at me broodily.

"I have enough reasons to hate you, one more wouldn't do much of a difference," I tell him.

"I killed Zair for the throne," He speaks as he continues to look down at me pensively.

"He was your brother?"

"He was my half-brother," I am taken back by his words. Half-brother? But as far as I remember, the book never mentioned the king having another queen. He had only one queen and her name was Brida. Is he lying to me?

"And Ishtar was his mate?" I ask him further.

"She paired herself with Zair so that she could get her hands on this kingdom," He speaks. His eyes are on me all the time, watching me pensively. I am trying to make sense of the entire incident that unfolded at the coronation ceremony. I am curious to know more about the rivalry between Ishtar and Arles into which I have got myself involved too.