Maniac | Colby Brock

1 - Colby Brock has posted a photo

Journal entry 15/05/19 at 18:51:

I didn't send the text. It was times like this I wished I had someone to talk to. Well, I do but my best friend, Aspen, is friends with my boyfriend and the countless girls who call me their 'friend' basically fantasise about him. I trust Aspen but I don't want her to know the truth. I know what this looks like...it looks like I'm un-loyal (or something like that). I'm not... 

My boyfriend doesn't deserve me. He told me that he loves me but it almost seems like his destined to make me unhappy. I am only entertainment to him at this point. He once made my heart leap but now I see it as if I am my own mother, protective for the lonely girl he has made me become. Falling in love with him was the equivalent to falling in to a mundane abyss. Once you've entered it, there's no coming back and the deeper you go it gets darker and more intense. No matter how much love I give, in return I will only get nothingness and I'm left disappointed (but not surprised). His love is more like a trap with no chance of escape. Even I feel as if I am a victim of this fatal and chronic disease he calls 'love'. Wow. I really can get descriptive when I talk in pure hatred that passionately. I love creative writing. I always have. Damon on the other hand, hates it. Yes, I am dating a repulsive idiot who spends his entire spare time drowned in junk food, marijuana and video games. He is the most unproductive person on the planet. He's also the most popular guy at my school. Don't ask me how but for some odd reason, all the girls swoon when they see him. Why I'm the unlucky girl stuck with him, I am unsure. Well, apparently being with him is lucky. That's what all the girls say to me.

'You're so lucky to be dating Damon Donovan! I'd die to belong to him'

'He looks like he treats you like a princess'

'Oh how I'd love to be in your position, Paris'

Do you know what I'd love? For all the girls at my school to stop being so blind to his true self. He has no humanity! it's like he's switched it off somehow. Oh, and he doesn't treat me like a princess, he treats me like shit...

-Colby Brock has posted a photo-

I have his post notifications on for Instagram. I opened the photo straight away. I wish I could send the text that effortlessly. My phone revealed a selfie of him. He had the kind of face that stopped you in your tracks. I guess he must be used to that, the sudden pause in a person's natural expression when they look at him which is followed by overcompensating with a nonchalant gaze and a weak smile. Thankfully, I was staring at a photo of him rather than him in real life. It didn't help that he was so down to earth, it made me fall for him so much more.

I can't believe I have fallen in love with him.

Colby is a 24 years old and once was just like me, unrecognised and not very popular. Over the years him and his best friend, Sam, have accumulated a huge following on social media. I don't really know that much about him. I've met him twice before. Once, at a party and once at a nightclub. These atmospheres hardly allow people to communicate properly. All I know is that he does YouTube and posts a lot on social media so I keep myself updated on his life as much as I can. Even though he seems like he's perfect, you can't always tell what a person is truly like just based on how they portray themselves to be. He seems happy, fun, loving and most importantly i think he's single...

I don't know for sure if he has a girlfriend or not but the way he acted towards me when I met him suggests otherwise.

Anyways, I'm going to bed now. My hand hurts from writing this diary entry.

___________________________________________________________________________

I was just drifting off to sleep when my phone decided to vibrate so much that it tumbled off my desk on to my floor. It was Damon. I forgot to say goodnight to him so he was going off on one, as usual. In my defence I did get engrossed in to Colby's new YouTube video answering dirty questions with Sam. Wait. Is that really in my defence?

The text read: 'Paris I am sick of you ignoring me all the time. Don't you dare ignore me.'

Okay smartass. It has been literally 2 hours and 26 minutes since you messaged me last and before that YOU took 6 hours and 54 minutes to reply to me. Oh, and it's 2:45am right now so theoretically you should be asleep and so should I.

I didn't reply. I put my phone back on my desk and switched the vibrate off. Does he really expect me to reply in the middle of the early morning?

My alarm went off. It was 7:00am. I had a rough sleep. I checked my messages which again seemed to be full of texts from Damon cussing me and calling me names.

'I don't even know why I'm with you'

'You're pathetic'

'Don't speak to me today you ungrateful whore'

I'm not sure anybody would be grateful for being treated like that. I was so tired. There's a kind of tired that needs a good night's sleep, and another that needs so much more than that. For me, one became the other. It began as the "one night kind" until one day it was ever present - like it once was just a heavy jacket but became heavy bones. It was then I knew that being tired could be my emotions screaming out for help too.