Chapter 6 : Change of heart
Park Tae Chan
Light flooded the sitting room as my sister returned home and switched on the lights. I didn’t realise that it had turned dark and I had wasted a whole afternoon bawling my eyes out.
“What the –“ Tae-ra broke off as she spied me curled up pitifully on the couch and approached me with concern. “Tae Chan-ah…are you ok? What’s wrong? Why are you crying??”
“Onni…” fresh tears appeared in my eyes and I blinked them furiously away.
“Oh no, what’s wrong?” Tae-ra sat beside me and enveloped me into a comforting hug. “Come on, you can tell me.” She said while stroking the hair on my head.
“How do you do it?” I whispered out forlornly.
“Do what?”
I sniffled and looked up at her. “How do you go on living every day and not be bothered by what our parents did to us?”
Tae-ra stiffened slightly and her forehead creased as she pondered my question. “Is this why you’re crying?”
“Part of it.” I sniffled again. “Don’t you feel hurt at all?” I asked.
“Of course I do. I wouldn’t be human if I wasn’t.” she sighed deeply. “It hurts when I go to bed, when I wake up, when I drive to work, when I come home, when I dream…basically I hurt every single day – every single minute.”
I stared at her in shock. Impossible – if she was hurting, she never showed it. “Then how…”
“How do I continue on like everything is fine?” she smiled at me. “It’s because of you, Tae Chan. You make life bearable.” She wiped away my tears and patted my head fondly. “Helping my little sister fulfil her dreams is all I need to give me the strength to move forward.”
“Do people look down on you if you have no parents?”
Tae-ra frowned. “Why, are getting bullied because of this?” anger laced her tone.
I shook my head.
“Good. Because having parents or no parents doesn’t define you as an individual. You decide which path you want to travel and in the end, it is your own choices which will make you the person you are. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”
I swallowed back the last of my sobs and smiled slightly. She was right of course, but Jung Kook’s words came back to haunt me.
“Did omma leave because of me?”
Tae-ra glanced sharply at me. “What makes you say that?”
I shrugged. “Just wondering.”
“I want you to never have such thoughts again.” She said firmly. “She left because she selfishly wanted to live her own life and obviously we were not enough to keep her happy.” She said, her eyes flashing with something close to hate. “The issue lies with her and not you, you understand me?”
I couldn’t help but feel slightly taken aback at the emotion in her voice. I have never heard Tae-ra speak with such anger and venom in her tone before and it scared me. It occurred to me that my sister was hiding her pain all this while, choosing not to show it to me.
“I – I understand.” I gave her a quick hug and stood up. “Thanks for everything.”
With a smile, I skipped to my room feeling better and stronger.
Jeon Jung Kook
I screwed up big time.
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