Katalonan at ang Binatang Isinumpa

Prologue: Machete, istatue?

Gustong sabihin ni Francesca na nananaginip lang siya, na nahilo lang siya sa puyat dahil sa pag-marathon ng seven volumes ng Full Metal Alchemist, kaya kung anu-anong kababalaghan ang nakikita niya. Actually, 'kababalaghan' was an understament of the century. It was more like adddssskkkkkgohmigoditsannabelle! kind of thing.

Yup, it was like that freaky Annabelle coming to life right in front of her eyes. O si Chucky siguro. After all, lalaki ang estatwa.

Sumisigaw at hindi magkandaugaga si Francesca sa pag-atras habang nanlalaki ang mga matang nakatitig sa antique na estatwa sa harapan niya. The freaking thing was moving! Joke ba ito? Was her great grandmother trying to prank her by taking some scenes from animés to scare the crap out of her? Like Zenki? Or that old film starring Gardo Versoza? Machete!

Yes, parang si Machete! Iyon ay kung si Machete ay isang homicidal psychopath na may Phoenix power ni Jean Grey. Because this boy statue? This boy was on fire and had a severe case of anger issues.

Oh God, oh God, what is this?

It's like cement was poured over his body and turned him into a mummified statue, and now the motherf*cker was trying to break free. Using fire!

Ohmotherf*ckingshit!

Nagbabasag na ang outer layer ng estatwa! And there was light pouring out of the cracks! Ohmygahd. At may sumisigaw ba maliban sa kanya? Yes, she was sure that thing was screaming. And boy could he scream. That raging scream could give Steven Tyler a run for his money.

Tsk, tsk, tsk. Tulog lang 'yan, Francesca.

Right.

Too bad she was never a fan of denial. Roses are red, violets are blue, face reality and cut the crap ang isa sa mga motto niya.

Hindi siya nanaginip. Hindi siya nagha-hallucinate.

Nasa basement siya ng bahay ng apong niya at nagpipilit gumalaw ang antique na estatwa sa kanyang harapan. And he's in it to win it. Now, if only her legs would start working and get her the hell out of there. Or better yet, some great magical powers should manifest itself to her by now.

Sabi nga ni Uncle Ben, 'great powers come with a great deal of crap.' Therefore, great crap should also come with great powers! And this thing? This thing was a big load of crap.