Frozen Hearts

Chapter 15

[Barry]

"Pimp?" Eddie snorted.
"That was harsh Allen. Even for me."
Barry tightened the fists at his side in a failed attempt to let go of the rage inside him. It was a rage that stemmed from heartache, from the loss of a dream he'd held dear for the longest of time.

"Get out!" he yelled releasing his pent up frustration.

"Get out! All of you!"
A commotion broke through as guests began to file out of the hotel room. Some were shocked, others too prideful to let their embarrassment show and others were on the verge of laughter but one look at Barry's redned face and anger crazed eyes put the fear of life in them and they resorted to quietly exiting.
Barry slumped down onto a nearby couch, pressing the palms of his hands into his eyes and trying to focus on calming his breath.
Patti closed the doors as the last guest left then walked up to him and tried to rub the tension out of his shoulders but he shook her off.

"Don't touch me." he grumbled, wanting very much to be left alone with his thoughts but simultaneously afraid of where those thoughts might lead.

"I'm just trying to help you Teddy Bear." she cooed and Barry's irritation level reached its maximum point.
"For the billionth time Patti. Don't. Call me that! And if you really cared about me that much you wouldn't have fucked that dicks brother OK?" Patti looked at him in shock. She was completely blind sided by his out burst and couldn't find the words to say. Barry watched, un bothered, as her eyes swelled with tears and her lip began to quiver with a surpressed sob. He leered at her as she got up and made her way to the door, completely unapologetic.

"By the way. I told Snart that inviting Eddie wasn't a good idea. If you want to be mad at someone be mad at him." She left with that final sentiment and Barry marched his way into Snarts office throwing open the doors with a violent bang.

"Eddie?! Seriously?! What the hell were you thinking?!" he demanded.

"Thank you dear. Brunch on me this weekend... No I insist. Ok bye now." He hung up and turned around to face Barry who looked about ready to attack him.

"Before you do anything irrational let's remind ourselves that your rage issues are exactly the reason why we're in this mess." He stated.

"I don't have rage issues. I have an issue with being pushed over, used and taken advantage of and currently the only person who's done all three and hasn't seen the end of my fist is you." Barry stated matter of factly.

"So you're here to collect? Well go ahead Barry I won't stop you. Might as well add that to the growing list of law suits against you. First Eddie Thawne, then Eobard Thawne...."

"Eobard decided to have a pre game quickie with my girlfriend and got caught. He had it coming." Barry defended.

"And Eddie?" Snart asked strategically.

"Eddie kept talking a smack about I -" he couldn't bring himself to finish his sentence. Snart watched amused as Barry's whole demeanor changed. The very thought of Iris was enough to drain him of all emotion and leave him feeling completely weak. He'd fought with Eddie so many times over her that he eventually lost his hockey career because of it. If Snart hadn't been a close friend of his current speed skating coach, Barry probably would have been in his parents house right now, high on caffeine and craming for some sort of exam.

"The two of us were an item." Her words echoed in his head reminding him that all that was for nothing. Every argument had, every punch thrown, ever threath exchanged was completely unnecessary because for all Barry knew, Eddie was telling the truth.
He'd held on to the image of that innocent girl that danced with him at prom and snuggled up to his side at movie nights. The girl who was terrible at playing Monopoly but managed to outsmart him in Scrabble. The Iris who's laugh could brighten his day, who was sweet and innocent in every way. He felt the weight of tears pressing against the back of his eyes and slowly sank to the ground as he let his grief flow.

He was grieving the loss of a beautiful lie. A well crafted fantasy that he'd used to comfort himself on those quiet nights when he craved the sound of her voice but had to resort to silent memories. She was a stranger to him now, a symbol of all he'd managed to lose. A figment of his imagination that he fought so hard to hold on to and in the end he lost much more than just a fairytale.

"You're right Barry." Snart broke through his thoughts as he approached him and crouched down in front of him.

"You don't have rage issues. You have love issues." he handed Barry and handkerchief which Barry silently accepted.

"You love too deeply then end up losing yourself in the euphoria of it all and everything else fades to the background. Think about it. Iris cost you your ice hockey career and Patti is about to make you hang up your skates for good. This figure skating gig? It's your last shot to do things the right way. No emotional ties or commitments. Just good old fashioned strategy and execution." He explained and Barry simply listened.

"You're rekindled romance with Patti paints you as forgiving and loyal, effectively counteracting the violent character the public has in mind, while your partnership with Iris keeps you fit and shows off your skills. It's the perfect plan." Snart slapped Barry's shoulder reassuringly and gave it a slight squeeze. After a brief moment of silence Snart got up and straightened his suit.

"You clearly have alot of thinking to do so I'll leave you to it." he said and turned around to leave but stopped at the door to leave him with one last remark.

"If you think about it, you got off easy. I mean can you imagine if you were romantically linked to Iris? As good as you both may be on the ice, you're much safer pretend dating Patti because you were never as easily fooled by her charms. I guess she's the lesser of two evils."

Left alone with his thoughts Barry found himself sinking into a spiralling state of doubt. He was questioning everything and everyone around him. Every decision he'd made after he left Central City and every relationship he built after Iris. Her betrayal served as a wake up call, opening him up to the realisation that he had been living passively for the past seven years of his life. Living to please everyone but himself and that the ice was his only true friend. At that very moment something inside him clicked and the sudden shift brought forth a side of him he had long forgotten. The side of him that didn't shy away from taking control. The wheels of his mind began to turn and soon a list formulated in his thoughts. A list of people and events in his life that seemed too mysterious for his liking. If he was going to play to win he had to familiarise himself with the game and the players and that's exactly what he intended to do. 

Spurred on by his logical brain, Barry got up from his seat of misery and walked over to the desk then grabbed hold of a pen and sat down. On a blank piece of paper he fanatically poured the list out of his mind, linking people, places and events till the end result was a complicated maze of connections similar to the ones used in criminal investigations. Seeing it all on paper only fueled Barry's determination and it was with that very hunger for answers that he picked up the phone that night and made the first of a series of life changing calls.