Promise I'm Trying

~twenty two~

Trigger Warning

"Hey Ty? I uh... I know you don't wanna hear it, but um, have you eaten anything today?"

Tyler flinched, "I um... well I had a bite of a carrot..."

"Can we go get something to eat?" Josh asked

Tyler pulled at his hair, "I... uh... n-no..."

"Shhh~ I haven't eaten anything today, so I'm gonna go get a snack, I'll be right back okay?"

Tyler nodded and watched Josh leave. As soon as Josh was gone, Tyler went into the bathroom. He took off his phonecase and grabbed the blade he kept in it. He let out a few tears, "You're a disappointment" he said under his breath. He pulled up his sleeve and pressed the blade to his wrist. "He hates you" Tyler dragged the blade across his wrist, tears spilling out.

knock knock knock

"Tyler? You okay?" Josh asked, worriedly.

"Y-Yea" Tyler choked out, "I-I'm f-fine"

"You sure? You sound like you've been crying,"

Tyler looked down at his arm in disgust, "Yeah" he said, holding back sobs, "I-I'm o-o-okay"

"Ty, open the door please"

"N-no"

"Ty, please let me in." Josh thought for a second, "I'm not mad or disppointed, I just... I need to make sure you're okay"

Tyler let out a sob as he dragged the blade across his arm again, "I-I'm al-alright, j-josh. P-Please go!"

Josh cringed, "Please Ty, let me in" he said in a soothing voice.

Tyler washed off the blade and put it back behind his phone case, pulling his sweatshirt sleeve down. He splashed his face with cold water and opened the door, "I'm f-fine"

Josh looked at Tyler's bloodshot eyes and pulled him into a hug, "I love you"

Tyler started crying again, "I'm s-s-s-sorry"

"Show me your wrist baby"

Tyler pulled away from Josh and took a few steps back, "n-no..."

"Ty, please,"

Tyler reluctantly pulled up his sleeve to reveal the still bleeding cuts on his wrist. Josh looked Tyler in the eyes. Tyler looked terrified, eyes filled with tears, threatening to spill, while blood was dripping onto the floor. "Hey, shh~ I'm right here," Josh touched Tyler's shoulder and Tyler flinched pulling away, "I'm not gonna hurt you, we just gotta clean you up, okay?"

Tyler hesitantly nodded and let Josh carry him to the sink. Josh wet a towel and put it on Tyler's arm causing him to quietly whimper. "I know it hurts, I'm sorry baby"

Tyler looked an the ground, refusing to make eye contact. Josh put some gauze on the cuts and wrapped Tyler's arm in some bandages and pulled his sweatshirt sleeve back down. He picked Tyler up and brought him back to his bedroom, "Can I change you into some sweatpants so you're more comfortable?" Tyler shook his head and backed away from Josh.

"Okay, well here are some sweatpants, I'll be right outside the door if you need me okay?" Tyler nodded as Josh walked out the door. Tyler slid on the sweatpants, tying them so they wouldn't fall off his small hips. He walked to the door and opened it to let josh know he could come back in. Tyler sat on the bed, in the corner, and pulled the blanket over him.

"Ty? Please talk to me," Josh said worriedly. Tyler just looked at him, eyes glossy, "Ty, please"

"I-I'm s-s-sorry"

"Hey~" Josh said sitting next to Tyler, not touching him so he wouldn't be scared, "It's okay, you don't need to apologize. I'm here, just... talk to me. Tell me everything,"

Tyler blinked away a few tears, "I th-thought you were d-dis-disappointed in me a-and I f-felt like a f-f-failure f-for eating, b-but I w-wanna e-eat for you. C-c-cause I love you"

"I could never be disappointed in you Ty..."

"y-you want me to e-eat. I-I want you t-to be h-h-happy!"

"I want you to be happy too! I wanna help you get better!"

"I wanna get better, it's just s-so h-hard! No matter what I do, I feel bad about it!"

Josh moved over to sit next to Tyler and causiously put his arm around Tyler who put his head on Josh's chest, "It's gonna be okay, Ty"

"How do you know?"

"You are strong, you are brave, and I'm here to help you!"

"You don't have to stay ya'know. You can go. You don't have to deal with me."

"Ty, I'm not gonna leave you. I need you just as muchas you need me. I need you."

"I need you, too"

"I won't leave you, I promise."

Tyler kept his head on Josh's chest, "Why do you stay?"

"Because I love you and you are an amazing person. You can make me feel happy by just being near me and I just... fuck! I just love you a lot,"

"I love you too," Tyler sighed, not fully believing Josh, but feeling too tired to argue.

(795 words) Hey, it's been a minute since I updated soz. Do you ever have those nights where you just can't sleep, so you just give up trying? Cause that happened to me but i was hella productive. I learned a song on ukulele, took a shower, and wrote a song, all before 7 am. And then I walked to the gas station to get eggs and made breakfast for my mom and brother. I'm so nice. Anyways, Stay Happy, Stay Healthy, Stay Hydrated, And Stay Alive |-/

~Lily