Promise I'm Trying

~seventeen~

Trigger Warning

"Tyler, breathe,"

"I-I-I-"

"Tyler, breathe," Tyler focused on Josh's breathing and tried to match it. He also snapped the rubberband against his wrist.

"Tyler, Baby, stop. Please just... focus on me. I love you!"

"I love you, t-too," Tyler said as his breathing slowed and Josh started driving to his house.

"Hey, Ty?"

"Yeah?" Tyler said hesitantly.

"If you ever feel like doing that again, please tell me. I wanna help you and you through this relapse."

"It's not a relapse, Josh." Tyler said in a small voice, tears streaming down his cheeks.

"What do you mean? You told me you were getting better!" Josh said, sounding hurt.

"I was a-and I am. The fact that I ate anything at all is progress! You don't understand how hard this is, Josh!" Tyler cried.

"I understand! I know you're trying, but you need to talk to me,... please," He said the "please" with his voice shakey and quiet as a few tears escaped his eyes.

"When I eat, I feel this guilt a-and I threw up, b-but now I need to..." Tyler trailed off.

"I love you, please don't hurt yourself. I just... Tyler please!" The car pulled into the driveway and Josh put it in park. Josh burst into tears and as he burried his face in the steering wheel.

"I-I-I'm s-s-s-sor-ry" Tyler said through tears. He hated knowing that he caused Josh to be so sad. He hated that he couldn't fix it either. They both sat in th ear, Tyler leaning againstJosh and Josh leaning against the wheel, for 20 minutes, in silence. It was too much fo rboth of them. Tyler just wanted Josh to be happy and Josh just wanted Tyler to be okay and healthy.

"Josh, I'm sorry." Tyler said quietly.

"Don't be. You don't have to apologize. I don't understand your mind, but I do my best. I just need you to tell me everything. Whenever you are going to do something... that could hurt you, talk to me. Please,"

"O-okay. I just wish I could be like you. Why is it so hard for me to just love and accept my body?!"

"Tyler, I don't love my body. We all have insecurities, yours are just worse, Babe,"

"I love you,"

"I love you too, Ty,"

~~~~

Laying in Josh's bed, Tyler scratched at his wrist. Josh pulled him into a tight hug, quietly whispering 'I love you' and 'you're beautiful'. Tyler really appreciated this, but Josh didn't understand. Tyler wouldn't be able to calm down until he- "Josh?"

"Yeah, Hun?"

A few tears rolled down Tyler's cheeks, "I have to..." he whispered.

Josh hugged him closer, "We can get through this together. I'm here for you. I love you. I- you can't."

"I love you, too."

"Is there anything I can distract you?"

"I haven't heard you play drums yet,"

Josh took off his shirt an walked  to his drum kit and started playing. He started slow, but as he got more comfortable he sped up. He was playing something Tyler had never heard before.

"What is that?" Tyler asked.

"Just something I made up,"

"That slow part would fit really well with a song I'm working on right now,"

"Cool! You should play it for me!"

"Tomorrow, meet me in the music room. It's on piano."

"What's it called?"

"Taxi Cab,"

"What's it about?"

"You'll have to wait 'til you hear it!"

(533 words) Short chapter, but it's sad but it's cute at the end so fun! Yea crushes suck so that's fun. Stay Happy, Stay Healthy, Stay Hydrated, and Stay Alive |-/

~Lily