Promise I'm Trying

~ten~

Trigger warning

After everyone left, Tyler hugged Josh. "Thank you,"

"Of course! Anything for my Ty!"

"Anything?" Tyler said, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Y-yeah?"

"Even... Ice cream!"

"Obviously!"

"Wait no! I-I'm just... I can't... I'm hungry b-but... I-I-I"

"Tyler, shh, it's okay." Josh wrapped his arms around Tyler, "But I want ice cream, so you have to go with me."

~~~

They arrived at Scoop's Ice Cream.

"You ready?"

"I really want some..." Tyler admitted.

"You can have some!"

"N-no..."

"What if we get you a kid'a size and then you can sleepover at my house so I can watch you."

"I don't need a babysitter!"

"But you do need a boyfriend, so you're sleeping over,"

"Okay, but I don't wanna eat."

"Ty... please,"

"Fine, but only for you..."

" Thank you!"

They walk inside and Tyler sits down in a booth, plams sweaty. (moms spaghetti)(sorry i had to) Josh ordered himself a large strawberry shake and Tyler a kid's size vanilla.

"Here you go, Hun!" Josh said.

"T-thanks" Tyler said, voice shakey.

Josh ate some of his ice cream and looked Tyler in the eyes, "You hungry?' he asked, knowing the answer.

"D-don't l-look at me."

"Why not?"

"I don't want you t-to see m-me."

"Ty, I love you!  You can eat around me and be yourself around me. Please eat,"

"Josh, I want to I just... I can't,"

"Please, Ty..."

Tyler put a small amount of slightly melted ice cream on his spoon. He put it in his mouth and swallowed. 

"I-I-I... J-Josh if I... I-I c-c-c..." Tyler started playing with the rubber band on his wrist. Josh noticed.

"Tyler, you're doing great!"

"I'm disgusting."

"You're beautiful, and you eating only makes you more beautiful, if that's even possible."

Tyler took four more bites before they left.

In the car, Josh pulled Tyler in to a hug. "I love you, you're beautiful."

"O-okay. I love you too." Tyler said, staring straight ahead.

"Tyler, tell me what you're thinking,"

"I'm thinking that I love you and you are trying to help, but I just ate and now I need to... now I don't feel good..."

"Tyler, you're beautiful."

"Josh, I..."

"Tyler, I really don't want you to throw up or c-cut,"

"I don't want to. I have to!"

"You're coming home with me, it's gonna be okay,"

"Promise?"

"Of course."

~~~~

They walked into Josh's bedroom and Tyler started crying. He was sick of crying and sick of Josh seeing him cry. Josh hated seeing Tyler cry. Tyler had the most beautiful smile and Josh wished he could see it more.

"Tyler, hey shh..."

"You are always stuck with me. Stuck loving me. Stuck comforting me. I want to help you. There's nothing for me to help you with. You're perfect."

"Ty, I'm not perfect. I have my problems too just like everyone else."

"Like what?"

"You have a lot going on right now, I don't want you to be worrying about me,"

"Babe, I told you my biggest secrets, you can tell me. Please?"

"Ty..."

"Please,"

"O-okay. I have anxiety. Not as bad as yours, but i-it's there."

"You aren't telling me something,"

"Y-yeah," Josh said, "I used to live in Montana before we moved here two years ago. We left my dad there, but that's not why we left."

"Why did you?"

"I have PTSD, Tyler."

"From what?" Tyler asked, clearl surprised.

"A-at school, there was a-a sh-sh-sh"

"Josh, I'm right here, talk to me."

"A shooter." Josh started shaking and hyperventilating.

"I'm here. You're safe here. I love you."

"T-T-Ty..."

"You're safe. Breathe."

"Th-thank you."

~~~~

Ten minutes had passed and Tyler and Josh were cuddling on Josh's bed.

"J-Josh?"

"hmm"

"I f-feel sick."

"Ty," Josh said sitting up, looking Tyler in the eyes, "Do you feel sick, or is your mind sick?" Tyler started crying. He did feel sick, but he knew he wasn't. "Our brains are sick, but that's okay,"

"I don't deserve you,"

"Ty, I love you, and I don't want you to ever think you don't deserve me. You deserve the world,"

"I love you," Tyler choked out.

"I love you more"

"Not possible."

(637 words) Haven't updated in a while sorry! Hope you're enjoying the book and you should comment cause that'd be cool. Stay happy, Stay healthy, and Stay Alive |-/

~Lily