Pain Will Always Come Back to Haunt You

The Great Vine Catastrophe

"Sorry," Peter repeats, "Colonel Rhodes is spot on. And the eggs are a bit bland." He shrugs.

"Oh yeah? Keep talkin' like that and I'll make you take an Uber home," Tony jokingly threatens.

"I never went to oovoo javer," F.R.I.D.A.Y.'s voice suddenly cuts in. The unexpected quote almost makes Peter choke on his eggs. He didn't expect a reference this early, but it's a promising start. Tony looks up and narrows his eyes in confusion.

"What'd she say?" Rhodey asks. He seems just as confused as Tony blinks at F.R.I.D.A.Y.'s unexpected comment.

"Hm, maybe she needs a lil' tweaking. I'll deal with it later. Right now," Tony pulls something out of his pocket, "we're gonna have some downtime." He sets it down on the counter and Peter's eyes widen.

"You're, you're serious? You wanna?!" Peter doesn't even try to hold back his excitement. This only causes Tony to smirk.

"Poker or Blackjack?" Tony offers. Peter quickly slides his empty plate out of the way, staring at the deck of cards.

"Blackjack, for sure!" he answers enthusiastically, his leg bouncing in anticipation.

"Care to deal us in?" Tony asks as he tosses the deck to Rhodey.

"Putting me to work on a weekend?" Rhodey challenges, but starts to shuffle the deck of cards nonetheless.

"What are we gonna use as betting chips?" Peter asks eagerly. Tony shrugs nonchalantly and pulls out his wallet.

"We could just use money. Or we could use my credit ca-"

"No!" Peter shoves Tony's hand back and shakes his head vigorously. "We can use...gummy bears!" Peter runs into the kitchen and pulls out a bag of gummy bears from the cabinet.

"Why would we use those?" Tony questions skeptically.

"You can't eat credit cards, Mr. Stark," Peter says as if it's blatantly obvious. He eats a gummy bear to prove his point and sits back down in front of Tony. Tony just rolls his eyes as Rhodey begins to deal out the cards.

The first card that's placed in front of Tony is a two of clubs. Then, Peter is given his first card, which is a five of spades, before Rhodey places a card face down in front of himself. The next card given to Tony is a two of diamonds. This is where the fun starts, in Peter's opinion. Counting cards. Running count so far is two. The card Peter gets is an ace. Running count is still two. Rhodey gives himself another card; a four. That's a plus one card, so our running count is two. Cards two through six are plus one, seven through nine are neutral, and ten through ace are minus one. The higher the running count, the better the odds are for Peter.

"Hit me," Tony says immediately. Rhodey gives him another card faceup, which is a five. Running count is three, Peter notes. Since Peter has an ace, which can be a one or an eleven, he has a lower risk if he takes another card.

"Hit me," he also says. He gets dealt a nine, so he'll count my ace as a one. Running count is still three. Tony has a nine right now, so he has no risk for taking another card, but Peter does.

"Hit me," Tony repeats. The card he gets this time is a seven. Neutral. Crap, he's up to sixteen. Peter takes a steady breath.

"Hit me." Rhodey flips over a four. Running count is four. Peter has nineteen and Tony has sixteen. "I'll stay."

"Hit me," Tony says nonchalantly. Rhodey gives him another card, it being an eight. Tony went over twenty-one, so he busts.

"Remember that thing I said about being overconfident?" Rhodey questions with a sly smile. Tony just rolls his eyes as Rhodey flips over his first card to reveal a four. He has thirteen. Running count is five. Rhodey has to keep dealing himself until he reaches seventeen or goes over twenty-one. He flips over another card, a five. That's eighteen for Rhodey, which means Peter was closest to twenty-one.

"Sweet!" Peter laughs as Rhodey takes away some of Tony's gummy bears and gives Peter his winnings.

"Don't get too cocky, kid," Tony warns.

"Yeah, wouldn't want to be too much like you," Peter teases with a confident smile.

"Watch yourself," Tony says without any heat, causing Peter to chuckle. A risky idea makes its way into his head, but Peter isn't one to back down.

"Hey, F.R.I.D.A.Y., Mr. Stark isn't being very nice." Mr. Stark is going to kill me, but it's going to be worth it.

"I can't believe you've done this," F.R.I.D.A.Y.'s voice echoes. Peter has to hold back a laugh by pressing his lips together. Tony glances between Rhodey and Peter in confusion. Rhodey simply shrugs his shoulders.

"You okay, Fri?" Tony asks hesitantly.

"I have osteoporosis," F.R.I.D.A.Y. answers casually. Oh my god this is gold.

"You don't have a back." Tony counters incredulously.

"That isn't a nice thing to point out, Boss. I thought you were bae. Turns out you were just fam." That sends Peter into a fit of laughter, clutching his stomach as he tries to keep himself from falling off the barstool. Tony's accusing eyes lock onto Peter.

"What did you do?" Tony demands.

"Oh nothing, Mr. Stark," Peter says in between uncontrollable giggles.

"Karma hits hard, " Rhodey snickers.

"Boss-" F.R.I.D.A.Y. starts, but instantly gets cut off.

"F.R.I.D.A.Y., I swear to all that is holy if you say one more crazy reference I'm reprogramming you," Tony threatens.

"I'm a bad bitch. You can't kill me, Boss," she retorts. Her response only makes Peter laugh harder, Rhodey joining him, as Tony stares up in horror.

"F.R.I.D.A.Y.! Language!" he scolds.

"Sorry, Boss." She sounds anything but apologetic and it's the best thing Peter has ever experienced. Tony rubs his forehead until Rhodey and Peter gradually stop laughing.

"Just tell me what happened," Tony says in exasperation.

"Alright. So, I was sitting there..." F.R.I.D.A.Y. pauses. There's a beat of silence. If she's going with this where Peter thinks she's going... "Barbecue sauce on my titties." It's enough to send Rhodey and Peter back into hysterical laughter. Tony turns to Peter with a pointed look.

"You're going to fix her or you're grounded." Tony points a commanding finger at him, but Peter can't find it in himself to care.

"The Boss yeeteth and the Boss yoinketh away," F.R.I.D.A.Y. says regretfully.

"What does that even mean," Tony questions as he rubs his hands over his face.

"You'd know if you had listened to me last night." Peter smirk at Tony, only earning him a groan in response.

"Kid got you good," Rhodey says smugly. He's just as amused as Peter is and offers the kid a fistbump, which Peter returns without hesitation.

"You're the bane of my existence," Tony grumbles.

"Which one of us?" Peter asks with a grin.

"Both of you." Tony lifts his head to give them his own smirk accompanied by narrowed eyes. "Payback's a bitch, so you better watch your backs."

"Language, Boss," F.R.I.D.A.Y. mimics Tony's words.

"Alright, I'm kicking you all out. I want you all out of my tower. Get. Scram." Tony shoos them with his hand before eating one of his gummy bears.

"Ready for round two?" Peter challenges anyways and Rhodey starts dealing the cards.

"Get ready for my comeback, kid. Underdogs are a crowd favorite." Tony straightens up and prepares for the next round. This might be the best day of Peter's life.

---

Notes:

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