I'm not a victim. I'm the villain. The bad guy that killed millions. Controlled and manipulated thousands. I stained my own hands with blood of innocents. I may have become one of Morgiana's puppets... but that doesn't give me a pass.
Even if she sa...
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I find myself in disbelief. But Tamir and Cressa-la...
"Are you okay?" Cressa-la asks gently, noticing that my face has paled.
Tamir suddenly looks guilty. "We wanted to wait until you were there, but you... and we needed to help with..." he plays with his fingers nervously, "repopulation."
I choke on my breath, coughing. Cressa-la kind of takes a cautious step forward, concerned for me.
"No," I shake my head. "No, that's okay. What's done is done. I'm happy for the two of you."
Amawa-na looks a bit floored as I stand up, needing to go somewhere else. "Are—are you sure? You don't look so good."
"No, I'm good," I say with a shaky smile and a wave of my hand. "I..." Shaking my head, I take a deep breath to compose myself and clear my throat. Locking eyes with Amawa-na, I walk over to her, her eyes wide, not really sure what's happening right now. "I know he'll make you happy," I say gently, my heart swelling with the words. "I am very happy for you. For you both."
I bring her in for a genuine hug, a bittersweet emotion filling me. I really am happy for her, but... but what about Cressa-la?
I turn to Tamir and hold out a hand to help him stand. Hesitantly, he takes it, and I hug him once, pulling away and resting my hands on his shoulders, feeling like an elder doing so. "Take care of her."
Tamir scoffs awkwardly. "You say that like you'll never see us again," he says, his voice wavering.
I give a sardonic grin and let go of him, taking a step back. "You never know what tomorrow brings. Besides, no one could take care of Amawa-na, or anyone, better than you could."
Tamir shifts, obviously feeling awkward about all this, then smirks to himself, a laugh in his eyes. "Are you hitting on me?"
I shrug, smiling a bit brighter. "Not my type, Tamir."
He laughs. "Good, because you're not mine, either."
I find myself smiling like I haven't in a long time, but the problem still wriggles at the back of my brain. They weren't supposed to end up together. Their colors don't match, which means they aren't even compatible. Tamir belongs with Cressa-la... Right?
My eyes travel to her as she fixes the hooks around her belt, a few squirrels and a bird dangling from them.
Had I failed?
I feel so... I feel so guilty. If I hadn't argued with Morgiana, if I would have been there to actually introduce the two... no matter what my feelings toward Cressa-la were... would things have turned out right?
Gritting my teeth, I swallow hard and try to return to the conversation as they catch me up on things. Everything is pretty much back to normal, except that Revli is having trouble getting their numbers up again. Tamir and Amawa-na were offered to go through testing to be Tribe Leaders but they refused. Neither of them really liked the thought of handling life-altering decisions or the thought of screwing everything up. Amawa-na just didn't want to do it, said she felt like she shouldn't, like the power would go to her head.
